1. "I actually prefer the no-make-up look."
Then wear no make-up. See if I care.
2. "Why do you wear so much make-up?"
Literally because I want to, thanks.
3. "How long does it take you to get ready in the morning?"
As long as I want it to? And also, why does it matter? And also, that's none of your business?
4. "How long does it take you to wash all that off at night?"
Not that long? IDK, I don't exactly set a timer?
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5. "I don't think anyone looks good in red lipstick."
Bye.
6. "I could never be bothered doing all of that in the morning."
OK, so don't? Why are you telling me this?
7. "How did you learn to do all that?"
The same way you probably learnt to be so patronising: practice.
8. "How much money do you actually spend on make-up?"
If you're not financing me, you don't need to know, bye.
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9. "So you spent THAT much on a lipstick?"
And it was worth it.
10. "Don't you get make-up on everything?"
I'm not a monster.
11. "Your make-up's fine but that girl looks like she's wearing a mask."
Don't you dare insult my people.
12. "Are they your real eyelashes?"
Does it matter?
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13. "I tried to do my eyeliner like that once, but it was way too hard."
Practice makes perfect. So, like, maybe you should practice?
14. "Why do you need so many shades of blush?"
Why do you have so many stupid questions?
15. "These five nail polishes all look exactly the same."
To the untrained eye, perhaps.
16. "I would never spend that much on foundation."
So don't?
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17. "Do you really need 18 shades of gold eyeshadow?"
Um, do you think I got this eye using the one eyeshadow palette? Try three.
18. "Does anyone actually watch these ~beauty vloggers~?"
I do. Me and about ten million other people.
19. "How do you get anything done with those nails?"
My beauty is not – I repeat, NOT – a disability.
20. "You spend how much on your nails?!"
CAN I LIVE?!
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21. "Did you know you can get that for $10 from Target?"
Well, run along, then. My money, my choices.
22. "Why don't you just wear the same fragrance every day?"
Because there are different scents for different seasons? Different times of day? Because I don't want to? Because I like options? Because I'd get sick of it?
23. "You look so much prettier without all that make-up on."
You don't have to say that. You're not my mum.
