31 Painful, Awful, And Shameful Things Only A Nearsighted Person Has Experienced
The ophthalmologist never has good news for you.
1. You've been there: you're in a public place and you see someone wave hello from afar, you respond automatically and wave back, just to realize that it wasn't meant for you. You've been there a thousand times and yet every one of those thousand times you've been ashamed.
2. Or worse, when a person thinks that you're rude because "you didn't wave back." Sorry for being nearsighted and thinking that you were actually just a shadow ¯\_(ツ)_/¯.
3. When they tell you that "you look different without glasses," you inevitably wonder whether you should feel hurt or flattered.
4. When you put in a dry contact lens, you feel the same pain you would feel if you put a broken glass bottle into your eye.
5. Or when you lose your contact lens inside your eye, as if it were the Bermuda Triangle, and you don't really know if you'll ever find it again.
6. Each time you go to the optometrist you're blinder than the previous time. This is an irrefutable truth. You've never heard the doctor say something like "oh look, your nearsightedness has decreased"; on the contrary, it's always either worse or the same as it was before (and not to be pessimistic, but it's usually worse).
7. And speaking of optometrists, you've never been more wrong in your life than during an eye examination, when you confuse an A for the number 3, or a Z for a T.
8. Or when the doctor asks you if you see better with "lens 1" or "lens 2," and you can never remember how you saw with "lens 1," so you freak out, worrying about your memory because it was something that happened just one minute before.
9. And let's not even talk about those times when you have to choose a frame in the store. You try on 200 different pairs of glasses, you can't make up your mind, you feel that the salesperson is losing his/her patience, so you end up just choosing a random frame and hoping for the best.
10. All those times you've felt the need to squint to "see better" and 82 years are automatically added to your age.
11. You grew up watching how cinema and TV distinguished the nerd from the rest of the cast: with glasses.
12. That awkward moment when you can't find your glasses and you lose all dignity left in this world while you touch every surface of your house, hoping that your hands will find them and that you will once again be able to see.
13. When you're sitting in the last row of the lecture hall and they decide to use the board. You can't see a thing, but you don't want to get up and move, so you kill time and pretend to read everything until the end of the lecture.
14. Sometimes, when you're in one of those situations where you can't see a thing, your hearing also begins to fail. It's crazy, I know, but it happens.
15. If you had a quarter for every time someone tries on your glasses and shouts "YOU'RE BLIND," you would be bathing in the sea on your own private island where you landed using your personal helicopter.
16. You were never able to cheat in school because you could barely make out the edges of the sheet of paper of the person sitting next to you.
17. If something happens to your glasses or if you leave them somewhere, you feel as if you're walking on the edge of the railroad tracks... or in a mining field... EVERY. STEP. COUNTS.
18. When you go to the movies with a group of friends and they decide to sit in the last row... are they really your friends?
19. 3D movies or any virtual reality device: it's not fair. Period.
20. If you use contact lenses, you recognize that awful moment when something gets into your eye and you want to rip it out like a mad person. One of the WORST things in life.
21. By the way, it's possible that you use contact lenses because your nearsightedness is through the roof and, if you don't, your frame and glasses would be super thick and your eyes would look tiny... kind of like a panda.
22. If you're in the contact lens club, you recognize that moment when you start dating someone and you decide to let him/her see what you look like with your glasses. It's as personal as someone removing their wig or their dentures.
23. When you're using a new prescription, you feel that you're high on LSD for a few minutes: everything is so vivid and colorful, it's crazy.
24. When you see someone who doesn't need glasses, but wears them just to feel like a hipster, a little part of you dies.
25. When you clean your glasses and they end up even dirtier than before.
26. It's painful to think that if you lose your glasses or if your contact lenses dry out, you wouldn't survive a war, the zombie apocalypse, or a kidnapping. You'd basically died instantly.
27. Oh, and let's talk about that time when your glasses steam up because it's too cold, too hot, it rains, you're kissing someone, you're cooking, you're drinking coffee, you're having an ice cream...
28. That moment of existential crisis when you're waiting for the bus or to be picked up in a car, but you can't see the number on the bus and you can't see the driver of the car. "Is it or isn't it? Well, it looks like... or no... could be."
20. At concerts, you've gotten used to just listening to the musicians, since there's no way you'd ever actually be able to see them, too.
30. If you wear glasses and you go to an amusement park, if you go to a pool or the beach... let's just say you don't have it as easy as the rest of humanity.
31. But this is all irrelevant because the important thing is being healthy... I guess.