1. "Always look people in the eyes. Even if they're blind. Just say, 'I am looking you in the eyes.'"
2. "If you get pulled over for speeding, tell the policeman your spouse has diarrhea."
3. "You only get one chance at a first impression. I suggest Julia Child, because it's easy to do. 'Save the giblets!'"
4. "The most amazing things that can happen to a human being will happen to you, if you just lower your expectations."
5. "Dance until your feet hurt. Sing until your lungs hurt. Act until your William Hurt."
6. "Take a lesson from parakeets. If you're ever feeling lonely, just eat in front of a mirror."
7. "Never be afraid to reach for the stars, because even if you fall, you'll always be wearing a Parentchute™"
8. "Marry someone who looks sexy disappointed."
9. "Success is 1% inspiration, 98% perspiration, and 2% attention to detail."
10. "You can tell a lot about a person from their biography."
11. "Watch a sunrise at least once a day."
12. "If you love something, set it free. Unless it's a tiger."
13. "If you're ever in a jam, a crayon scrunched up under your nose makes a good pretend mustache."
14. "When life gives you lemonade, make lemons. Life will be all like, 'What?!'"
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