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24 Hilarious Tweets About God Creating Animals

"How about a tie dye chicken who screams actual words at you?"

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1.

[god creating jellyfish] how bout an evil bag

2.

When God made raccoons he was like do you want to be an old timey burglar or a trash digger. Too slow. You're both now.

3.

[inventing the parrot] HOW ABOUT LIKE A TYE DYE CHICKEN WHO SCREAMS ACTUAL WORDS AT YOU

4.

[god, creating ducks] Just like put a surfboard mouth on a big pigeon and make it like a loud idiot. I don't know

5.

[god creating bees] Put a needle on its butt. “Come on God, wha—“ Make its puke delicious. “WTF.”

6.

[god creating animals] ok this ones got a long throat "ok" make it literally just a throat "..." oh and give it a face "wtf" call it a snake

7.

[god inventing horses] make a sexy donkey

8.

[god making bats] GOD: just like a hairy black potato with wings ANGEL: um GOD: ANGEL: god? GOD: also it sleeps upside down like an idiot

9.

[god creating whales] "I want a fat blue piece of shit with a 20ft dick and it sings underwater. Also get me a beer. No wait five beers"

10.

[god creating snakes] how about a sock that's angry all the time

11.

“Things aren’t weird enough down there” - God inventing bugs

12.

[God inventing the hippo] How bout a fat horse that's always trying to sneak up on you in a pool

13.

[God creating dogs] Oh these turned out great. Im going to want all of these back at some point

14.

[god drunk, inventing hedgehog] so cute but u can't cuddle it cuz, prickly quills or whatever, hahaha [passes out]

15.

[creating octopus] GOD: Give it 8 super strong arms & hands ANGEL: uh, we're out of bones.. GOD: 8 weird floppy arms w/ suction cup things

16.

[god making an emu] how about you just take that pile of hay and give it legs i'm gonna go on a smoke break

17.

[god making pandas] GOD: cow bears ANGEL: what GOD: did i fucken stutter ANGEL: GOD: take it a cow and make it a bear

18.

God, making cats: black! white! stripes! Jesus: no i need a fancy one God: ...ok, this one has socks. Jesus: more. God: ...tuxedo. done.

19.

*god making chihuahuas* how bout a big nervous wall-eyed rat

20.

[God creating a turkey] God: Make it like a shitty brown peacock... Animal technician: Anything else? God: Hang a nut-sack on it's face lol

21.

[god making chimps] GOD: shrink a gorilla & make it smart ANGEL: Ok. And what sound should it make? G: literally just have it fucking scream

22.

[God creating platypuses] God: This is my best work. Yes, Karen I am high, but that has nothing to do with it. This is perfect. Send it out.

23.

[God, creating pigeons] Make them pace back and forth like a lawyer.

24.

[god inventing this joke format] how about like a fucked up description of an ordinary thing?

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