1.
[god creating jellyfish] how bout an evil bag
2.
When God made raccoons he was like do you want to be an old timey burglar or a trash digger. Too slow. You're both now.
3.
[inventing the parrot] HOW ABOUT LIKE A TYE DYE CHICKEN WHO SCREAMS ACTUAL WORDS AT YOU
4.
[god, creating ducks] Just like put a surfboard mouth on a big pigeon and make it like a loud idiot. I don't know
5.
[god creating bees] Put a needle on its butt. “Come on God, wha—“ Make its puke delicious. “WTF.”
6.
[god creating animals] ok this ones got a long throat "ok" make it literally just a throat "..." oh and give it a face "wtf" call it a snake
7.
[god inventing horses] make a sexy donkey
8.
[god making bats] GOD: just like a hairy black potato with wings ANGEL: um GOD: ANGEL: god? GOD: also it sleeps upside down like an idiot
9.
[god creating whales] "I want a fat blue piece of shit with a 20ft dick and it sings underwater. Also get me a beer. No wait five beers"
10.
[god creating snakes] how about a sock that's angry all the time
11.
“Things aren’t weird enough down there” - God inventing bugs
12.
[God inventing the hippo] How bout a fat horse that's always trying to sneak up on you in a pool
13.
[God creating dogs] Oh these turned out great. Im going to want all of these back at some point
14.
[god drunk, inventing hedgehog] so cute but u can't cuddle it cuz, prickly quills or whatever, hahaha [passes out]
15.
[creating octopus] GOD: Give it 8 super strong arms & hands ANGEL: uh, we're out of bones.. GOD: 8 weird floppy arms w/ suction cup things
16.
[god making an emu] how about you just take that pile of hay and give it legs i'm gonna go on a smoke break
17.
[god making pandas] GOD: cow bears ANGEL: what GOD: did i fucken stutter ANGEL: GOD: take it a cow and make it a bear
18.
God, making cats: black! white! stripes! Jesus: no i need a fancy one God: ...ok, this one has socks. Jesus: more. God: ...tuxedo. done.
19.
*god making chihuahuas* how bout a big nervous wall-eyed rat
20.
[God creating a turkey] God: Make it like a shitty brown peacock... Animal technician: Anything else? God: Hang a nut-sack on it's face lol
21.
[god making chimps] GOD: shrink a gorilla & make it smart ANGEL: Ok. And what sound should it make? G: literally just have it fucking scream
22.
[God creating platypuses] God: This is my best work. Yes, Karen I am high, but that has nothing to do with it. This is perfect. Send it out.
23.
[God, creating pigeons] Make them pace back and forth like a lawyer.
24.
[god inventing this joke format] how about like a fucked up description of an ordinary thing?