1.
[in a normal speaking voice from top row of football stadium] Good luck today guys
2.
I'm at a hockey game and the players weren't really trying but then a guy 5 rows up yelled "come on" and then they tried harder.
3.
"how do u feel after hittin that game-winnin home-run?" IT'S A WELCOME DISTRACTION FROM THE CONTINUAL TERROR OF KNOWING DEATH IS INEVITABLE
4.
So the NBA Finals, huh? So no more basketball ever again? Feels extreme but ok
5.
*pours a cooler of Gatorade on your head* Oh shit you're not Coach *tries to dry you off with one fast food napkin* Oh shit oh shit
6.
Lacrosse is my favorite sport that combines looking like you're trying to catch a butterfly with having no friends
7.
if you hold an empty gatorade bottle up to your ear you can hear the sports
8.
glad the athlete on my fave team said hed just take it one game at a time.was worried hed try to take it 3-4games at a time which is bad
9.
what if in airbud they put the dog in and they didnt win that coach would feel stupid
10.
I bet like, 6 months after Miami chose the dolphins as their logo, they were like, "Oh yeah, sharks! Fuck."
11.
"Tighter, shinier!" - Football Pants Designer
12.
so what happens if the horse wins the triple crown? does he get to become human again at last? sorry i don't watch a lot of horsing racing
13.
Will I watch a football game w/ you? I'd love to, if it's ten minutes long & accompanied by 30 mins of riveting drama in a small Texas town
14.
Oh you're a basketball fan? Name 3 basketballs.
15.
The reason football players wear helmets is to stop them from kissing
16.
wait... shh... *kneels and touches basketball* it's still warm. sports were here... *sniffs basketball* two... maybe three hour ago
17.
anything can happen in football, especially sports
18.
one time i slam dunked a basketball so good we were out of school for a week people just needed time to process
19.
I wish we could see inside the opposing team's locker room in Air Bud. "IT'S A FUCKING DOG. HE'S LIKE 2 FEET TALL. HOW ARE YOU GUYS LOSING."
20.
now to tara with sportsTHANKS YO. UM THE GIANTS ARE JUST NORMAL SIZED MEN. UNBELIEVABLE. WTF IS THAT. THIS TOWN IS SHIT. BACK TO YOU, NOBODY
21.
do they make those giant foam fingers but with the pinky sticking out instead of the pointer finger for when you drink tea at sports events
22.
Why Can't I Find Out Anything About This Superb Owl #superbowl
23.
You win every marathon you don't run.
24.
When I said I was a bad tennis player I meant evil
25.
Greatest calls in golf history: "And the ball... is in... the hole." "He hit the ball in the hole." "The hole... that's where the ball is."
26.
[a spider watching soccer when someone kicks a ball into the net] hell yeah, now eat it
27.
Take your shirt off!! ...I mean, play soccer well!!!
28.
amazing how quickly air hockey can become fire hockey when i lose and set the table on fire
29.
i just drank so much gatorade i could literally kick a basketball right now, or however sports work or whatever
30.
*thros skee-ball at the 100 up in the corner, misses and nets a weak 10pts* welp...at least i still have a vast understanding of the world
31.
[dumps gatorade on coach after losing the big game] we know how much you hate gatorade you piece of shit
32.
boy: i wished girls liked sports girl: i like sports boy: oh yeah name the blood type of the seahawks coach from the 1990s