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9 Comments All Single People Will Hear At Thanksgiving Dinner

"Maybe by Christmas you'll find someone, dear."

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1. "So tell me, darling. Are you seeing anyone?" / Via

Yeah. I'm seeing people. The guy that pumps my gas. The chick that checks me in at the gym after I drown myself in glazed donuts. Matt Lauer every morning on my 32''. I'm seeing TONS of people.

2. "Oh that's quite alright" *Hand pat* "You're too young to be dating anyway." / Via

Uh huh. Try telling that to my wifed up friends, co-workers that can't meet for happy hour anymore because they're busy growing an alien inside of them and my mother that NEVER fails to remind me that---

3. "Too young?! She's not too young. I gave birth to her when I was her age for Pete's sake." / Via

I wish you hadn't. Really. Would have saved me from my misery that is being perpetually single.

4. "Your problem is you spend too much time at bars. How can anyone expect to find someone suitable there?! You need to spend quality time with quality people." / Via

I do spend quality time with quality people. Jose, Jim, Jack and Jameson. Every. Damn. Night.

5. "Well, I read an article that said some people are meant to stay single. It's their genetics or something." / Via

Fantastic. What a great bit of news. Well there's no time for turkey now. Quick, someone drive me to the pet store and so I can sign up for 6 dozen cats and a case of wine. Do they sell wine at pet stores? No? They should. Forget it I'll get catnip instead I'm sure it does the job.

6. "Have you tried online dating? My friend's sister's daughter's cousin's friend's brother met the most DARLING girl online. Married with 6 kids now. All blonde hair and blue eyes, bless them." / Via

Sure. Tell you what. I'll call up a few guys from Tinder now to join for dinner. After we all share what we're thankful for I'll let them share their favorite chat-up lines. I bet you'll all be rushing me to the alter after you hear what Mark has in mind at 2am every Tuesday.

7. "Wait! I know! Isn't Jeanette's son Frankie single? I bet you two would just hit it off!" *Wink*

Giphy / Via





8. "Her problem is that she's TOO beautiful. I bet all the guys are intimidated." / Via

Well I'll be damned. You've figured it out. Call me Kate Beckinsale Jr. and slap some Versace on me because I'm red carpet ready 24/7. Should I give potential lovers a pair of sunglasses when we meet? You they aren't blinded by my beauty.

9. "Well, sweetie. We all get there in the end. You'll find someone!" / Via

Maybe if I shove enough turkey into my mouth my stomach will explode and the big guy upstairs will put me out of my misery.

Cheers, fellow singles. May the turkey be plenty, the wine be aged and your sanity be spared.

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