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Dear Simulation Over Lords

An open letter to who ever is running this supposed simulation that we're all trapped inside...

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Dear Overlords, First allow me to congratulate you on your awesome sim. Your program is very lifelike and the graphics are great. At times it’s easy to forget that we’re all just procedurally generated equations created to fulfill your dark design. I do however have some suggestions as to how we can work together to improve your awesome simulation and help us all by getting to the end and discovering whatever data it is you’re looking for (or maybe just getting you some much needed points…)

gordon vader

1. Can you please have a word with whoever is playing Risk in the Middle East.

creative commons / Via flickr.com

2. Please can you pay more attention to your resources. We’ve all played Civilization and if we can simultaneously stop the peoples of Paris and Polynesia from starving then so can you.

creative commons / Via i.ytimg.com

3. Can we have less with the warfare in general. Guns and explosions might look cool on your monitor, but from ground level they are somewhat less impressive. Surely you'd get a bonus if we all just got along...

creative commons / Via upload.wikimedia.org

4. Can you help us be a little bit nicer to the animals? Clearly we are incapable of doing this on our own.

Creative Commons / Via upload.wikimedia.org

5. WTF is up with Cabbage? Seriously are we supposed to eat it or avoid it and why does it have to smell like that?

creative commons / Via upload.wikimedia.org

6. With the ascension of Trump are we looking at the end of Simulation? I realise all good things must end, but can't we just go out with fireworks and free champagne?

Creative Commons / Via upload.wikimedia.org

Authors note, a heads up and a disclaimer… it has long been prophesied that we are living in a simulation, well for at least as long as we’ve had tinfoil and hats. The signs are there to see for anyone with the will to see them… big foot, deja vous, the lost sock thing and of course Keanu Reeves in a leather mac. Now it might be worth pointing out that while the intellectuals of today like Elon Musk and… er… well… the others, have stated that there is no actual way to prove we’re not in some sort of computer simulation running on some friendless teen’s super spec Alienware lappy. It’s equally hard to prove that our Earth isn’t the erotic dream of some intergalactic horny space toad… That said what’s the harm in trying to make contact? So here goes… Gordon Vader Simulation Ambassador (self- appointed)

gordon vader
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