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Posted on Mar 30, 2015

5 Signs You’re A Coffee Snob

Are you sure this is fresh-ground coffee from the hills of Columbia?

by Angie Casas

Community Contributor

Via img.pr0gramm.com

Face it you can’t trust people with simple tasks you sure as hell aren’t going to trust them your precious beans. It’s very meticulous process but one you enjoy, the sound of beans grinding is soothing, you’d do yoga to it if you could. Also guests beware if they try to use normal tap water to make coffee. Nothing ruins a coffee machine quicker than peasant water with all its chloride. You have special water bottles on reserve. Oh guest you thought those were for you. Haha no here have tap water. You think my money grows on trees.

Via ohthiskid.com

Everything else in your fridge could be packed with frozen foods, old leftovers, and soft drinks. Honestly you could care less what you put in your body, but when it comes to your morning ritual only the holiest beans blessed by Tibetan monks will do for you. If anyone offers you Folgers you inwardly cringe, they may as well have offered you a cup of hot mud. Everyone knows coffee beans taste best if you buy them several days after roasting. You know your local roaster’s name, you even have them on speed dial. Now be quiet, its 8 am you need to eat your cold pizza and drink your African brew before work.

Via data1.whicdn.com

You only visit the most hidden gems of coffee shops because baristas that work in them are Picassos of coffee. With freshly imported beans you wonder why anyone would go anywhere else. Sure it’s more expensive but you love yourself enough to only buy the best. Besides the only time you would step foot into a Starbucks is to feed your coffee ice cream addiction. Just accept it frappucino lovers, you don’t actually love coffee you love ice cream with extra whip cream and it also Instagrams nicely.

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If you go to a coffee place long enough odds are the baristas will become familiar with you, some may even know your coffee order. When you, the coffee royalty, go into your coffee shop baristas know you by name, coffee order and in what order to prepare it. The new barista never attends you, it’s to intimating to wait on someone with so much coffee knowledge. They’re barely in the little leagues of coffee making and you’re an Olympic athlete coffee drinker. To some it may seem that you’re snooty but you won’t apologize for wanting your coffee served at 200˚F, the temperature that coffee tastes the best. It burns as hot as your soul.

Via eatsblog.dallasnews.com

Because you’re a good person who just wants to improve your friend’s morning life you give coffee as a gift. You even bring your French press over so they know what it should really taste like. You have no shame in dragging them into a new coffee shop you just fell in love with or taking them to tastings so they can leave that good for nothing Maxwell and fall in love with a gentle Ethiopian brew that will treat their taste buds right. You even cry a little when they swear never to go back to that coffee in a plastic jug life.