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Clownpocolypse? 6 Tips To Know Before Halloween

Clowns at your college? Here is a survival guide to prepare you for Halloween!

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1. Be the Host

Clowns prey on the weak and few. They are not going to show up to your massive rager. That being said it is important to have clown spotters at all exits. The last thing you need this Halloween is closing down a party only to find a creepy clown face pop out of your closet door carrying a machete. The important thing is to make this party as large as possible. The larger the party, the more attention it will grab, which is what clowns tend to shy away from (not to mention it makes you look like a legend). The rumor going around is clowns are allergic to kegs, so ensure there are at least three surrounding your house as barriers to entry. Lastly, it is important that if anyone attempts to dress like a clown and enter the party, they are immediately attacked and thrown out. There is no tolerance for that kind of behavior this Halloween, and it's important that as the host you abide by those rules.

2. Squad up

Whether it's a field trip, stroll in the woods, or a night on the town filled with clowns, the buddy system is necessary for safety. You don't want to get caught alone with a joker wannabe. Avoid any trouble by traveling around for the night in packs. Nobody is going to want to mess with a slutty cat and Harambe. Oh, and that reminds me-- it's very important to have a good ratio of felines to gorillas in your crew otherwise you stand no chance of getting into any of those Halloween parties you spent $60 on a costume for. Then you're stuck wandering the streets like a posse of freshman boys, which could be scarier than the clowns.

3. Take the safe route around town, even if it’s the longest

If you are not the host, then be careful how you get to the party. That back alley shortcut that your friend swears is "so much faster" is a surefire way to become clown chowder. Stay on main roads when traversing even if it takes you the extra 10 minutes. It's better to be late to the party than wind up being "the person who got clowned" on Halloween last year. Nothing will ruin your social life more than being labeled as "that clown victim."

4. Keep a clown mask on you at all times.

Don't worry, I am by no means advocating for you dressing up like a clown all night and putting yourself at risk of being the victim of a potential “clown hunting” raid (comprised of a bunch of drunk frat guys in an F150). But if you find yourself separated from your party-going group and end up being cornered by a local clown gang, this tip might be your only way of making it out in one piece. Just whip out your trusty mask from your back pocket and throw it on. Clowns are notorious for having short attention spans and will surely forget that 1 minute ago you weren't actually apart of their squad. Then when the squad rolls out to wreak havoc, you get the f*#k out of there!

5. Duke it out

If you decide to fight, make sure you have some kind of self defense weapon. Try incorporating a weapon into your costume. Some costume ideas include, a devil with a pitchfork, a body builder with a dumbbell, the grim reaper and a scythe, a cat with a tail, Katniss Everdeen and a bow and arrow, Miley Cyrus and a wrecking ball. Nothing will scare a clown more then someone with devil horns on coming towards them with a pitchfork.

6. Make a Break for it

If all else fails run and run fast! What better motivation to hit the gym for your favorite Halloween costume than a clownpocolypse! Odds are a person dressed as clown will not be able to outrun you because of their extremely large shoes.

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