Is your online dating profile as bad as these? Blogger Gloria Diaz skewers men looking for love with all the wrong words, pictures, spelling, grammar and punctuation. Her responses are in boldface.
Package engineer. I'm the guy who made those annoying plastic packages you hate to open.
Oh, so YOU'RE the one! I'm coming after you, motherfucker!
Never meet anyone yet but let's c maybe you can help me beat boring life. I was never able to impress a woman, may be I am too boring
Dude, you have less game than I do! That's impossible! (And kind of encouraging! Thanks!)
Chivalry is not dead: I will hold car doors open for you and bring you flowers. I want to be your knight in "shinning aluminum foil!
Ugh, can you imagine the racket that would make? Also, someone wrapped in aluminum foil is going to remind me of a giant burrito. Now I'm hungry. Fuck you.
They say you are what you eat...well I don't remember eating a sexy beast.
Trust me—looking at his picture, he didn't eat a sexy beast. He ate a bearded NC fan.
I'll try almost anything once except jumping out of a perfectly good airplane!
Dammit! I was hoping to cast him in my D.B. Cooper movie musical!
If you can "dance" in a club with me that is perfect.
And we all know that "dance" means grinding up on the guy like you are a total whore. I miss the 1950s.
If we are at the gun range I will grab your butt
And then I'll shoot you.
I have not had sex in over 2.5 years
Guys, please don't. I know it's sad when you don't get laid, but this just comes across as desperate.
Im looking for someone to get to know very well and do things with.......lots of things.....planned things and spur of the moment things.....right now things.....
How about thingy things?
I graduate from the Remington college of cosmetology (on line course) in 2 weeks and can't wait to begin my career as an astronaut! :)
I HOPE this guy knows the difference between cosmetology and cosmology….nope, probably doesn't.
profile no complete
Y U no complete profile?
I feel like I have a second chance at happiness.iwant to take advantage of it with someone who's not afraid of my past
Why should I be afraid of your pa—ohhhhhhhhhhh. I just answered my own question!
Fun loving honest outgoing handsome I'll do just about anything that's just about it LOL getting up there in age LOL
Which means you're going to die soon, LOL
Can you remember a time when you was with someone and you was able to feel so wonderful and in the moment that everything was perfect
I'd like to remember a time when people could write competently, and were well-educated and were more familiar with English language and grammar.
had a fiancee and baby on the way both was murdered while I was in boot camp
This is really, really tragic…but WHY would you put this in a dating profile? Because it would be awesome in a country/western song! Let me see if I can finish it… I know you are both in a much better place, and I've run my long race, but Jesus my feet are so damp….
Okay, I'm going to hell for this.
Well, I actually AM a fart smeller
That's great, because I was really wondering about that. I'm so glad I know.
*sigh*200 characters is way too much)
So I take it you won't be participating in NaNoWriMo???
Intellect is a turn on. I've long been fascinated with neutrinos and dark matter/energy blah blah blah.
Then why do you use non-intellectual talk?
You won't find me at the bars or trying the latest pick-up line (because nothing beats "hubba hubba"
Wrong. Nothing beats, "Hey sweetie, I love to shop, and I love it when you spend my money. And you don't even have to give me blowjobs!"
I HAD MY DAYS WITH THE LAW,, IM NOT A BAD PERSON,, JUST THOUGHT ID THROW IT OUT THERE,
So, cannibal, rapist, or serial killer? Or maybe it's unlawful conduct with punctuation.
I am old school i open your doors, put your coat on and off. Love long hair and love to play in it so i can brush it.Will do your nails. Warm oil massage is my speciality. My little princess. Oh and you come first always. Must be loyal trusting love to cuttle be caressed touched kissed all over. Like short petite outdoor type more important above all is whats on the inside
You can be my boyfriend, OR my makeup person, but not both. Wait—I don't want to be in the same country as you. This is creepy as fuck.