If you feel the need to drag my ass to Walmart, then I'm justified in reciting the following prayer out loud and without judgment (after I've given up kicking and screaming, of course):
Ye, though I walk through the aisles of Walmart,
I will fear no people.
Even though people pick their noses,
are dressed funny and that woman has a beard.
If you piss off your better half, then they are justified in helping you meet your healthcare deductible.
If you hear a female redneck say, "Aw, hell no!" then you are justified in doing one of two things: 1) getting the f**k outta her way using any means you can, or 2) lighting the fuse on her tampon. Choose carefully. If you choose option #2, then option #1 is inevitable. Wear good shoes.
If you tell me you only need $5.00 in gas, then I'm justified in farting and handing you a receipt.
If you tell me you're a redneck, then I'm justified in annoying you with facts and logic.
If you say that I'm childish, then I'm justified in telling you that you're a big doody head.
If you use a certain word incorrectly or misspell a word, I'm justified in throwing a dictionary at your head. It won't be my fault if you don't duck out of the way in time.
If I say the word, "justified," one more time, you will vindicated after you slap the crap outta me.