People say Portugal is a breathtaking country...
But you've got to wonder why Portuguese people are so proud of their country.
Portugal has no charm.
Not even a little bit!
Who would want to lie on beaches like this one?
Look at the color of the water — it's just gross!
Let's talk about Porto for a minute...
Seriously, what is this thing?
The whole place is just charmless.
This is an offense to my eyes.
And Lisbon isn't much better...
The whole city lives in the past.
And the tramway is just painful to look at.
What is this? Where are we? San Francisco??
Portuguese landscapes are in no way poetic.
And everybody knows the country has zero history.
Everything there is unremarkable and ugly.
The architecture in the country is so boring.
Seriously, this place has no class.
A pile of old stones with zero appeal.
And don't even get me started on the food.
I mean, who on earth enjoys Porto?
Oh, and Fado is lame too.
Portugal has no memorable celebrities.
Seriously, who's ever heard of Luís Figo??
Portuguese people are so boring.
No really, this country is just plain ugly.
And never come to Portugal!