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    Posted on Jan 15, 2015

    34 Things Every British Person In The Middle East Just Gets

    Yi'ani you know it makes sense.

    1. The moment you get off the plane, your glasses steam up.

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    Which means you have no vision for the first three minutes.

    2. And you sweat so much your shirt actually changes colour.

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    3. In the Middle East, your digs are palatial.

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    Seriously, your house is like a five-star resort.

    4. Which means your bedroom is bigger than your living room and kitchen combined back in the UK.

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    5. And your swimming pool is the size of a small lake.

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    6. When you go back home, you get really irritated when everyone gives you a hard time about having a maid.

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    "Ummm, excuse me, everyone has one."

    7. You even have supermarket valet-parking.

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    You don't get that at Iceland!

    8. The idea of walking to get to places is unspeakably hilarious.

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    The most use you'll get out of your legs is squatting above a toilet seat.

    9. To be honest, you really don't actually have to move at all if you don't want to.

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    10. You spend your weekends at British clubs, where your modesty is thrown out the window.

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    You can take the Brit out of Britain but you can't take Britain out of the Brit.

    11. Mostly because you get stared at whenever you're not in expat areas.

    12. Friday brunch happens every week, without fail.

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    It's where all your hangover ailments are cured.

    13. But nothing beats a hangover quite like this.

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    And you totally rub it in to your friends back home.

    14. This small mercy goes a long way too.

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    15. Every time you go into work on a Sunday, a little piece of you dies inside.

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    And you spend your morning thinking of everyone you know back home having a lie in.

    16. But, hey, you have so many more public holidays than them.

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    17. The notion of "punctuality" confuses you.

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    A meeting at 3pm means getting ready at 3:30pm and then getting stuck in traffic for an hour.

    18. Everyone at home expects you to speak Arabic.

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    You can ask for a full tank of petrol, and that's enough.

    19. This hurts.

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    Mostly because the Middle Eastern version of the BBC is about 6 episodes behind the UK.

    20. Driving in the Middle East has its own unique set of challenges.

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    21. Such as seeing a minimum of three accidents on your way to anywhere.

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    22. And encountering more road works that you thought possible.

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    Your GPS means nothing.

    23. And everyone putting their hazard lights on the moment there's a hint of mist in the air.

    24. The concept of the STOP sign has to be revised.

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    Because right now everyone just goes.

    25. People only indicate if they're flirting.

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    Double indicators is second base. Go you!

    26. And driving in the rain is an absolute death wish.

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    Logic fails and everyone goes at 120mph.

    27. In the "winter", you actually pay attention to the weather forecast.

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    The spell of sun and 38°C is momentarily broken.

    28. You celebrate the novelty by wearing every long-sleeved item you own. For about a week.

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    29. Of course, in the winter it's colder indoors than outside.

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    All that concrete means mafi (no) insulation.

    30. Whenever there's a sandstorm, everyone back home gets in touch.

    31. And when it pours, you go out and do the obligatory happy jig because it only ever happens once a year.

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    32. But it's never long before the heat returns full throttle.

    33. When it's time to head home for a holiday, you bulk buy cigarettes at the airport for profit making purposes.

    34. And everyone is always keen to find out what it's really like in Dubai.

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    "I don't know but it's great in Bahrain where I actually live. NOT EVERYONE LIVES IN DUBAI."

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