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    21 Tweets That Prove Your Brain Can Be A Real Dick Sometimes

    Me: *tries to sleep* Brain: HEY, remember that really embarrassing thing you did seven years ago? Let's have a think about that.


    Body: All done? Brain: All done. Body: goodnight Brain: goodnight Body: Brain: Brain: Flintstone tiptoed a lot for a big dude


    me: ok listen brain we have to focus today brain: do u wamt to hear a song i wrote me: no-- brain: ok ♫ eggy gumdrops eggy gumbdrops yay ♫


    Brain: You've got ONE shot at this. Me: Ready. Brain: Go talk to her. "YOUR HAIR IS THE COLOR OF HONEY CAN I TASTE IT?!?" Brain: Magical!


    [bedtime] brain: hey remember that lost episode where the couple gets paralyzed DO THOSE SPIDERS LIVE NEAR US me: SLEEP brain: NO, GOOGLE IT


    "I'm $50 away from getting free shipping which is only $5 and what I want is $12 so I need to spend $38 more to save money." -my brain


    Me: What are the lyrics to every 80s sitcom I've ever seen Brain: Coming right up Me: Remember to pay that bill Brain: Nope


    Me: bedtime! Brain: you're hungry M: no I'm not B: thirsty then M: nope B: uhh sad? M: doing ok B: you forgot to do that thing M: nice try


    Me: I'm going to sleep Brain: No Me: Fine, I'll stay up Body: No


    *Approaches girl at bar* Brain: Say you like her eyes. No, hair. Actually, go for eyes! Me: You have lovely hairy eyes Brain: My bad.


    [3am] Brain: Come and smile Me: Huh? Brain: Don’t be shy Me: Is this… Brain: Touch my bum Me: OH GOD Brain: This is life Both: WE ARE THE CH


    9am. Brain: "I am so tired" 1pm. Brain: "Tired" 5pm: Brain: "Oh god so tired" 11pm: Brain: "AWAKE. INTERNET. NETFLIX. CRISPS. AWAKE"


    me: I should probably take a break brain: one more song me: fine *after one song* brain: one more song me: ok *repeats*


    Me: OK time to sleep Brain: DRAGONS Me: Fair point. [stays awake until 4am]


    Me: Goodnight. Brain: Pssst. Me: What? Brain: What disease do you think we have?


    [Me in Lush] "Soap smells damn good" Brain: eat a bit. "What" Brain: do it, it smells so good. "OK FINE" "Wtf why did I do that"


    my brain planning videos: *Im just gonna make these videos simple but funny* 5 minutes later: *so Im gonna need a room of fire & a real elf*


    *closes twitter app* *opens twitter app* Stahp it, brain. Ur dum.


    *Lays down in bed* ok this is it, you're gonna beat this insomnia Brain: half of the letters in the word giggling are G's


    Brain: Pun? Me: Too soon B: Limerick? M: Yesterday B: Format joke? M: Meh B: Canadians? M: Not yet B: Internal dialogue? M: I guess so *sigh


    Brain before going to bed "geez, I'm pretty tired" Brain once in bed "Do dolphins blink? Do kangaroos get pocket lint? What even is fruit?"


    Body: I'm sooooooo tired Brain: WHAT IF DINOSAURS HAD ASSAULT RIFLES