Buzz·Posted on 17 May 201625 Tweets That Will Only Make Sense To Shit Cooks*Removes smoke detector battery* *Cooks in silence*by Gena-mour BarrettBuzzFeed StaffLinkFacebookPinterestTwitterMail 1. Speak Comedy @SpeakComedy when your mom leaves you home alone and tells you to feed yourself 02:37 AM - 16 Nov 2015 Reply Retweet Favorite 2. tomsauced @trojansauce [day after trying sushi for the first time] ME: *putting frozen chicken nuggets on table* WIFE: this isn't cooke- ME: it's sushi, susan 01:23 PM - 23 Apr 2016 Reply Retweet Favorite 3. Karissa @Karissajem Husband just asked if I was too drunk to cook dinner. Ha! Does he think I'm some sort of amateur? *googles how to cover up burnt eyebrows* 11:10 PM - 31 Oct 2015 Reply Retweet Favorite 4. Fat Gandalf @sofarrsogud [TRYING TO IMPRESS NEW GIRLFRIEND] 'Oh yeah, I love to cook!' *removes salad from the microwave 05:09 PM - 07 Jan 2016 Reply Retweet Favorite 5. Shawty Lo @VludDiamond WHAT I WANNA KNOW IS HOW MY STUPIDASS SISTER MELTED THE FUCKINH OVEN TRAY BUT THE CHICKEN NUGGETS JUST CHILLIN. 04:42 PM - 27 Apr 2016 Reply Retweet Favorite 6. Darla @ddsmidt A lady posted her grandmother's brownie recipe, so I tried making them. Turns out her grandma was a terrible cook 05:30 PM - 09 Jan 2016 Reply Retweet Favorite 7. Tommytoughstuff @Tommytoughstuff Here's another great thing about hot tubs [pulls out a bowl of fully cooked ramen from under the water] 01:56 AM - 21 Sep 2015 Reply Retweet Favorite 8. Lemmy Devito @lemmywinkler Billion dollar idea. A smoke detector that shuts off when you yell "I'm just cooking!" 08:09 PM - 05 May 2015 Reply Retweet Favorite 9. very good boy online @UniqueDude2 COOKING HACK: if you put too much water in your rice, toss a few phones in there 12:51 AM - 04 Sep 2015 Reply Retweet Favorite 10. Exploding Unicorn @XplodingUnicorn 5-year-old: Why don't we say Grace? Me: I don't know. 5-year-old: Me: 5-year-old: Is it because your cooking makes God angry? 04:14 PM - 31 Jul 2015 Reply Retweet Favorite 11. Mitten d'Amour @MittenDAmour How to cook the perfect amount of pasta: 1. Pour out how much you think you need 2. Wrong 06:14 PM - 23 May 2013 Reply Retweet Favorite 12. not Jerynn @JerynnNicole Sure, I'll cook dinner. How milky do you like your Captain Crunch? 11:55 PM - 06 Jan 2014 Reply Retweet Favorite 13. Student Problems @FactsOfSchool when I try to cook something 05:49 AM - 28 Mar 2016 Reply Retweet Favorite 14. Queef Tornado© @QueefTornado Me: This chicken is undercooked. Wife: You don't appreciate my cooking. Me: I think the vet could save it if it we took it right now. 01:50 PM - 21 Sep 2013 Reply Retweet Favorite 15. brent @murrman5 *put cooked chicken in oven* *offer to cook date dinner* *put raw chicken in oven* *immediately pull out cooked chicken* *keep eye contact* 08:48 PM - 06 Nov 2013 Reply Retweet Favorite 16. EnvyDaTropic™ @envydatropic *Removes smoke detector battery **Cooks in silence 12:36 PM - 26 Jan 2014 Reply Retweet Favorite 17. Sam Kalidi @samkalidi When you try to make something you saw on Pinterest. 02:37 AM - 09 Dec 2015 Reply Retweet Favorite 18. antisocialsocialist @gobmentcheese The brownies I started making in my Easy Bake Oven in 1987 are ready if you guys want one. 07:27 PM - 28 Aug 2015 Reply Retweet Favorite 19. Lil Blue Blood @LilBlueBlood Mom: Want to come over for dinner? Me: No thanks, already ate Mom: What did you have? Me: Peanut butter Mom: With? Me: Spoon 04:29 AM - 12 Jun 2015 Reply Retweet Favorite 20. Amy Dillon @amydillon Roasted broccoli for dinner tonight, and the rave reviews are in. "What is this? It tastes like hair," said one ungrateful child. 10:53 PM - 15 Jul 2015 Reply Retweet Favorite 21. Vinny™ @vinit_mittal when the food is nasty but you ain't trying to hurt someone's feelings 03:34 AM - 28 Nov 2015 Reply Retweet Favorite 22. Ken Jennings @KenJennings DINNERTIME FOOD IDEAS FROM MY SON "Can we put Nutella on our salmon and call it salmonella?" This has been DINNERTIME FOOD IDEAS FROM MY SON 02:29 AM - 17 Nov 2015 Reply Retweet Favorite 23. ♡ Good Account ♡ @SortaBad I'm sorry that you invited me over to your apartment for dinner and I created a negative Yelp review about the experience 11:56 PM - 11 Dec 2015 Reply Retweet Favorite 24. DEEleted @mydmac I like to cook for a man when I first start dating him. That way he'll be disappointed from the start. Not just when he sees me naked. 01:39 PM - 15 May 2016 Reply Retweet Favorite 25. audrey farnsworth @audipenny So I'm just supposed to know that you can't eat the outside of the pineapple, like I'm some sort of scientist 03:18 AM - 23 May 2014 Reply Retweet Favorite