1.
I'm sick of people saying bread isn't good for you... Jesus did not say he was the broccoli of life ok??? Give us this day our daily kale??
2.
The Very Hungry Caterpillar taught me that I can binge eat carbs and then take a two week nap and I'll become beautiful.
3.
I'm really bad at portioning uncooked pasta...so if you and 110 of your friends wanna come over, dinner is ready.
4.
It amazes me how much exercise and extra fries sound alike.
5.
*walks up to microphone during wedding reception* *taps on mic; everyone smiles* "Anyone that doesn't want their cake, pass it to me please"
6.
Real women have curves!!! Real women have spirals!!! Real women are plump and covered in a creamy sauce wait nope thinkin of pasta
7.
8.
[Olive Garden] PATRON: there are so many types of pasta WAITER: [required to say this] yes...*clenches teeth* the pastabilities are endless
9.
How to cook the perfect amount of pasta: 1. Pour out how much you think you need 2. Wrong
10.
Me: *grabs a donut from conference room* Incredible powerpoint, Greg "Excuse me ma'am, do you work here?" Me: *grabs another donut & runs*
11.
[Stares deeply into date's eyes before going to the bathroom] "I've counted these fries."
12.
Making a grocery list after 8 beers is awesome because the next morning I get to wonder why I need 7000 bags of pizza rolls.
13.
14.
WIFE: you've had enough ME (eating my 68th breadstick): aw man OLIVE GARDEN MANAGER: let him eat one more lol
15.
The only Plato I care about is a big Plato spaghetti
16.
*Eats a Lean Cuisine *20 minutes go by. *Devours entire Pizza Hut store...including employees.
17.
[first date] HER: You smell so good. What are you wearing? ME: *nodding and sniffing myself* Mashed potatoes with gravy.
18.
Relationship status: The pizza is late and I'm worried
19.
see you can't do this type of stuff with me because I put whole cupcakes in my mouth 😭
20.
According to this box of spaghetti I am an Italian family of 8
21.
Just ate the last slice of pizza and I wish there was more. Suddenly all of Taylor Swifts songs make sense to me.
22.
If you can't remember my name, just say 'donuts'. I'll turn around and look.
23.
◻️Trump ◻️Hillary ☑️ Ziplock bag of spaghetti