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24 Tweets That Are Way, Way Too Real When You're Broke

"The only exercise I've done this month is running out of money."

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1.

My "15 minutes of fame" are when I get my paycheck and everyone I owe money comes to collect

2.

i once saw a pigeon on the subway & it got off at the financial distribct & all i coud think was "cool. that bird makes more money than me"

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3.

as a kid, I used to think $1,000 was a lot of money. But now that I'm an adult, I think it's a tremendous amount of money

4.

What's the smallest amount of money you would reach into a toilet to get? Mine is a skittle.

6.

So in 2016 I've decided to leave all the negative people behind. So im sorry if i owe you money because im moving on from that now.

7.

It's OK, funds. I'm insufficient too.

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8.

[commercial for college] *person shoveling money into furnace* Narrator: Don't you wish there was a better way?

9.

accountant: "youre basically broke" wife: "he keeps spending money on stupid stuff" me: "lets ask the dog if he thinks his jeans are stupid"

11.

Mo' money mo' problems might be true, but I'd still like to find out for myself.

12.

I can't afford an electric toothbrush, so I just roll a baby hedgehog in some toothpaste and hold in it my mouth for 15 minutes.

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13.

Daughter: Daddy, why is the moon following us around? Me: I probably owe it money like everyone else on the planet

14.

[on quiz show] "and if you won some money today keith, what would you do with it?" *leans way too close into the microphone* spend it alex

16.

Can't afford a cat? Duct tape 3 squirrels together, next question

17.

"Hello darkness my old friend." Darkness: I'm not lending you any money.

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18.

as a teen did you ever steal your moms booze and fill it back up with water, or steal money out of her purse and fill it back up with water

19.

I found a ten dollar bill on the ground once and thought, "This is as good as it's ever going to get. Buy some relish."

21.

Me - I'm not in the mood to work today My bank account - you better GET in the mood

22.

Just called the bank for my account info and a voice whispered 'If you break the pack in half, Ramen noodles can last you two days.'

23.

My safe word is "insufficient funds".

24.

Hold on I'm about to count my money. Alright I'm done.

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