87 Kinda Funny Things Every Black Girl Has Thought At The Hairdresser
Brenda, how many times are you gonna part that one tuft of hair?!
1. Okay, it’s finally time to go to the hairdresser.
2. Thank God. These front braids are hanging on for dear life.
3. It’s my own fault really, took me long enough to book the bloody appointment.
4. What is it about booking a hair appointment that gives me so much anxiety?
5. Whatever, at least I’m going now.
6. Even if it did take me 4 hours to take out my hair and my scalp is sore AF.
7. Alright, my appointment is at 11am, which means I’ll get seen at 11.30am, which means the fact I’m ten minutes late is totally fine.
8. I mean, that’s not how time works, but this is how The Hair World works.
9. And I’m getting braids done, so time is basically an illusion anyway.
10. Sorry I’m late, Brenda, I was just combing out my hair, haha.
11. No, I didn’t bring the hair beforehand for you to pull and prepare.
12. Yes, I should do that next time to make things easier.
13. Yes, I will take a seat and wait while you finish washing someone else’s hair during my appointment. Totally fine.
14. Alright, let me get comfortable. What magazines do they have to look at?
15. Blackhair 2010...Blackhair 2011...Anything from this year or nah?
16. You know what, it’s cool, I’ll just watch a YouTube video.
17. No signal. Alright, I guess I’ll die here.
18. Yes! My turn! 45 minutes after my appointment, but who’s counting?
19. OK, this water’s a little bit hot on my scalp, but I’m sure I can firm it.
20. Feeling a little like an inferno now…
21. FUCK, NOW IT’S TOO COLD!
22. Every time I get my hair washed I think it’s gonna be a peaceful experience until the water burns off my follicles and the sink edge tries to chop my neck in half.
23. Should’ve washed my hair at home.
24. But then whenever I do wash my hair at home, my hairdresser ends up drying it again herself anyway.
25. I really need to learn how to do my own hair.
26. Right, 12.30pm. Everything’s washed and ready to go.
27. All I need to do is last six hours of braiding and I’m out of here.
28. Wait, Brenda, what are you doing?
29. She’s gone to the kitchen. Oh no.
30. BRENDA, IT’S NOT LUNCHTIME, WE HAVEN’T EVEN STARTED.
31. Oh, she’s just heating up some food for the kids. Cool, no panic.
32. Hopefully that’ll keep them quiet for a bit, even though they are very cute.
33. Andddddd we’ve started!
34. That first braid’s a little bit big, I should probably say something.
35. Maybe that’s a one off. I’ll just wait until she does the next one.
36. Fuck, that’s a little big too.
37. Gotta tell her, gotta tell her.
38. Brenda, I actually wanted them a little smaller than that…
39. Oh, this is fine? You’re telling me that this is fine. OK, sure, I’m probably overreacting.
41. At least she’s moving pretty fast. Perhaps I’ll get out of here earlier than I expected!
42. Nope, she’s just stopped to eat.
43. She is literally sitting down.
44. Brenda!!!!! Concentrate!!!!
45. Now I think about it, I’m kind of hungry too.
46. Thank God I brought some snacks.
47. Now where did I put them...
48. Hold on....
49. WHERE ARE MY FUCKING SNACKS?
50. I’M GONNA STAAAAAAARVEEEEE.
51. Okay, okay, don’t think about the hunger..
52. You wouldn’t be able to eat and pass the hair to Brenda at the same time anyway.
53. Perhaps my starvation is for the best.
54. So I’ve got no food, I’ve got no signal, and only half my hair is done.
55. This is going fantastically.
56. At least the TV’s on.
57. Ah, good old music videos.
58. Come to think of it, this is the only place I get to catch up on music videos.
59. Agh! That bit of my scalp is tender.
60. Don’t let Brenda know you’re tender-headed. Grin and bear it, bitch.
63. Why does it feel like she’s trying to braid in part of my eyebrow whenever she does the front?
64. Goddamn hairline.
65. I’m clearly not cut out for this.
66. Oh, there goes the guy selling DVDs. Finally, a necessary distraction.
67. No thanks, no DVDs for me.
68. Alright mate, that’s enough. No thank you.
69. Mate, can you- alright, I guess I will buy this advance copy of Shrek 6.
70. Let me just pat my hair and feel how it’s going up there.
71. Omg, it doesn’t feel like there’s much left to go!
72. It’s a miracle!
73. Looks like there’s about...six braids left?
76. Brenda, how many times are you gonna part that one tuft of hair?!
78. BRENDA, PART THAT HAIR ONE MORE TIME, I SWEAR TO GOD…
81. Is it...did I make it?
82. I MADE IT! IT’S OVER! I’M FREE!!!!!!
83. Do I like it? Brenda, who cares?! I’m FUCKING FREE!
84. The braids are a little bit big though. I really should have said something.
85. Whatever, I’ll talk up next time.
86. Fuck, I’ve been here for EIGHT. HOURS.?!
87. Wow, not bad.