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    49 Things Frank Ocean Is Probably Doing Instead Of Releasing His Album

    Give him a break. He's busy, you know?

    1. Livestreaming a blank wall.

    2. Writing Beyoncé fan mail.

    3. Trying to get the tornado out of his room.

    4. Attempting to locate the final episodes of R Kelly’s Trapped in the Closet.

    5. Massaging James Blake’s throat muscles for another day of assisting him in the studio.

    6. Playing Candy Crush on the toilet.

    7. Changing his name to “Dank Potion”.

    8. Learning to play "Thinking ‘Bout You" on the didgeridoo.

    9. Falling in love with Jason Momoa.

    10. Teaching himself the fictional Dothraki language from Game of Thrones.

    11. Writing trash tweets.

    12. Writing trash tweets from an “IsFrankOceanDead” parody account.

    13. Attempting to watch all 12 seasons of Grey’s Anatomy from the beginning.

    14. Training for a 150k marathon.

    15. Reading all seven books in the Harry Potter series.

    16. Starting a YouTube beauty channel.

    17. Getting super into CrossFit.

    18. Making brunch plans with Joanne the Scammer.

    19. Listening to Usher’s "Confessions Part 2" on repeat.

    20. Listening to Khia’s "My Neck, My Back" on repeat.

    21. Ghostwriting Taylor Swift’s album.

    22. Embarking on a pilgrimage to Indonesia to really find himself.

    23. Writing an autobiography entitled JK.

    24. Hibernating in a cave off the coast of Costa Rica.

    25. Working with Lin-Manuel Miranda on Hamilton 2: They're Still All Racist.

    26. Experimenting with time travel.

    27. Binge-watching Stranger Things.

    28. Applying to be an extra in the Black Panther movie.

    29. Getting ready for his cameo role in a new Shonda Rhimes TV show in which everyone dies within the first 10 minutes and he himself is also dead.

    30. Replying to several messages two years late.

    31. Learning how to do crochet braids.

    32. Prank calling Donald Trump.

    33. Bringing out a line of headbands in collaboration with H&M.

    34. Starting a position to get orange M&Ms banned from all M&M packets.

    35. Searching his name on Twitter specifically to laugh at memes.

    36. Chairing peace talks between Birdman and Charlamagne.

    37. Organising a giant packet of raisins by number of wrinkles.

    38. Memorising all the words to the Bee Movie script.

    39. Watching the entire Fast & Furious movie franchise without pee breaks.

    40. Getting lost at sea.

    41. Building a new music studio from scratch with his bare hands.

    42. Photoshopping himself into pictures of Serena Williams playing tennis in which he is the tennis ball.

    43. Writing a 6,000-word thinkpiece on why Rose purposely let Jack go in Titanic.

    44. Retraining as a nail technician.

    45. Performing as a showband musician on a Royal Caribbean cruise line.

    46. Creating a Tumblr that automatically publishes a word a day from his “new album”, which fans soon discover to be the words from Rick Astley’s “Never Gonna Give You Up”.

    47. Attending Crufts with his Shiba Inu, named Tyler, and his Corgi, called Pyramid.

    48. Getting his dick out for Harambe.

    49. Spreading vicious, hurtful, and untrue rumours about releasing a new album.