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You Don't Need A Dick To Pee Standing Up, As We Learned For Ourselves

We tried peeing standing up and it was fucking great.

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Gena: I genuinely feel like I have discovered something incredible. Have you ever been met with a gross toilet seat you couldn't bear to sit on or drunkenly had to pee in a dark alley and been forced to squat? Has that squat ever resulted in a rogue pee droplet rolling down your leg? Peeing standing up is the answer to all your squatting issues. It's the kind of epiphany I expected to find when I read The Secret.


Ellie: I was really expecting for this to be a shitshow (not literally lololol), but it ended up being revolutionary. Since my first experience with stand-up peeing, I have done it in several less-than-hygienic public toilets, and I was very thankful that I didn't have to squat, because I don't remember the last time I went to the gym and my leg muscles aren't up to that. I even did it on a train. And it was such an incredible experience that I'm happy to have that written on the internet forever.

Hannah: OK first of all, shoutout to Ellie for executing the Penisless Standing Wee on a fucking train. Talk about leaning the fuck in. 👏👏👏👏

As for me, the ease of the Standing-Up Wee made me realise I know NOTHING about my anatomy, and specifically, the direction of my bits. I had worried the wee would go straight down instead of forward and splash everywhere and then I'd have pee on me for the rest of the day.

But it turns out, my bits look boldly forward! They point directly toward the future, like Napoleon crossing the Alps.


Now go forth and change your lives! Piss into the abyss! Piss in the face of the patriarchy! PISS UNTIL YOU CAN PISS NO MORE, GOOD FRIENDS! JUST PISSSSSSSSSSS.