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You Don't Need A Dick To Pee Standing Up, As We Learned For Ourselves

We tried peeing standing up and it was fucking great.

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OK, listen up, anyone without a dick, 'cause we're not joking. Were you aware that it is completely possible to PEE WHILE STANDING?!

Thinkstock / BuzzFeed

So a few months ago, us three gals did a post, "We Did Things Men Stereotypically Do And Here’s How It Went".

Basically we manspreaded and demanded things from our bosses.
Hannah Jewell / Ellie Bate / BuzzFeed

Basically we manspreaded and demanded things from our bosses.

BUT THAT'S NOT ALL WE DID. We also tried something ELSE penis-people do: PEEING STANDING UP.

We did this for you, dear reader.
Scott Griessel / Getty Images

We did this for you, dear reader.

It turns out, all you have to do to pee standing up without a dick is to follow these four simple steps:

(Celebratory bush is not mandatory.)
Flo Perry Who Pees In A Plumb Line / BuzzFeed

(Celebratory bush is not mandatory.)

Also, you absolutely DON'T need one of these bad boys:

Peeing standing up is not limited to proud owners of the Shewee™!
aliexpress.com

Peeing standing up is not limited to proud owners of the Shewee™!

Gena is brave, so she tried it first.

Look how happy she is!
BuzzFeed

Look how happy she is!

Gena: I genuinely feel like I have discovered something incredible. Have you ever been met with a gross toilet seat you couldn't bear to sit on or drunkenly had to pee in a dark alley and been forced to squat? Has that squat ever resulted in a rogue pee droplet rolling down your leg? Peeing standing up is the answer to all your squatting issues. It's the kind of epiphany I expected to find when I read The Secret.

Then Ellie and Hannah tried, and we were like, holy shit this is so easy!

BuzzFeed

Ellie: I was really expecting for this to be a shitshow (not literally lololol), but it ended up being revolutionary. Since my first experience with stand-up peeing, I have done it in several less-than-hygienic public toilets, and I was very thankful that I didn't have to squat, because I don't remember the last time I went to the gym and my leg muscles aren't up to that. I even did it on a train. And it was such an incredible experience that I'm happy to have that written on the internet forever.

Like, how is this a thing we didn't know about?!

BuzzFeed

Sure, it's louder, but why should people without penises have to be quiet?

BuzzFeed

Hannah: OK first of all, shoutout to Ellie for executing the Penisless Standing Wee on a fucking train. Talk about leaning the fuck in. 👏👏👏👏

As for me, the ease of the Standing-Up Wee made me realise I know NOTHING about my anatomy, and specifically, the direction of my bits. I had worried the wee would go straight down instead of forward and splash everywhere and then I'd have pee on me for the rest of the day.

But it turns out, my bits look boldly forward! They point directly toward the future, like Napoleon crossing the Alps.

Of course, everyone's anatomy is different, but it turns out this is what mine looks like:

en.wikipedia.org / BuzzFeed

Thinking we might be crazy, we enlisted some other dickless co-workers to try it out too, AND JUST LOOK:

TOTALLY FINE.
BuzzFeed

TOTALLY FINE.

Sitting down is what the patriarchy wants.

BuzzFeed

Now go forth and change your lives! Piss into the abyss! Piss in the face of the patriarchy! PISS UNTIL YOU CAN PISS NO MORE, GOOD FRIENDS! JUST PISSSSSSSSSSS.

In conclusion:

BuzzFeed