1.This jar of mayo thinks we should stop making a big deal out of other condiments because all condiments matter.
2.This bowl of mayo costs more than these bowls of ketchup and mustard, even though they all do the exact same job.
3.This jar of mayo thinks we need to start leaving things in the past where they belong, like that bottle of spilt milk. And slavery.
4.This jar of mayo blames “political correctness gone wrong” for the fact it can’t refer to barbecue sauce as its “spicy brown friend”.
5.These jars of mayo think no one should be able to use the ***** word, not just other condiments.
6.This dish of mayo is even starting to think that the word “mayo” itself is becoming a slur because it’s just stereotyping all mayos for being mayo.
7.This jar of mayo has never had to worry that its colour, lid, or texture is the reason it got picked for the cupboard.
8.This jar of mayo doesn't understand the big fuss over cultural appropriation. If it wants to dress up like wasabi for Halloween it will.
9.This bowl of mayo loves jokes, and doesn’t get why no one seems to be able to take one.
10.This bowl of mayo romantically whispered "you're attractive for a bottle of ketchup" on a date, and doesn't understand why it hasn't been called back yet.
11.This jar of mayo thinks it's ridiculous that everyone assumes it only listens to Taylor Swift.
12.This jar of mayo doesn't get why other condiments are mad that it's on the top shelf, and they're at the bottom.
13.And this jar of mayo thinks if other condiments are so unhappy with the way they’re being treated, they should just go back to the shop they came from.
14.When this jar of mayo was told the story of the cupboard’s great history, it was only shown pictures of other jars of mayo and their contributions.
15.This jar of mayo doesn’t think it’s fair that people talk so much shit about mayo. If people said those things about vinegar or pickle relish, everyone would be so up in arms, but noooo, it's fine if it's about mayo.
16.This jar of mayo believes in reverse condiment-ism.
17.This jar of mayo thinks everyone is so offended all the time, which is weird because literally nothing offends it at all.
18.This bowl of mayo can totter around completely unaware that it actually is a bowl of mayo.