1. First of all, find creative ways to hide the bags under your eyes by using everyday items around the office.
2. Next, in order to advertise your youth and fertility, find ways to incorporate pads and tampons into your everyday look!
It’s an easy and fashionable way to prevent anyone – even a stranger – from suspecting you're too old to bear them a child.
3. If you suspect that someone may wonder about your fertility, really lean into the look!
4. Everyone knows that smiling causes wrinkles, so avoid smiling at any cost!
Has someone told you an amusing tale? Just make this face:
Heard the funniest joke ever? Keep it together and remember that the most important effort of your life should be to avoid signs of ageing at any cost.
5. Of course, hysterical weeping is also a surefire way to waste away your youthful looks. So if you’re upset, hold a neutral gaze.
No matter how much pain...
…you feel inside!
6. The moment you find your first wrinkle, run.
7. Cover up any signs of age in your neck by wearing turtlenecks and scarves.
8. Keep your boobs up by holding on to them. Forever.
It may seem extreme, but the alternative is looking like you've existed for more than 20 years.
9. If you haven’t got a free hand to hold up the girls, just use the wall.
10. What if you find a grey hair? There’s only one thing to do.
Hide.
Just find the nearest hidey-hole and hide yourself inside it.
Remain there for the rest of your life.
11. In your free time, stare at photos of foetuses and channel their youthful energy.
12. If anyone ever asks how old you are, should you tell them? God, no!
Instead, remember your research, and curl up like a youthful, vivacious foetus.
It’ll take so many years off!
You’ll look so fresh and new and beautiful.
13. And finally, if anyone should spot the self-assurance or wisdom that comes with getting older, do whatever you can to deny it.
