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Do Your Co-Workers Secretly Hate You?

If you've drunkenly told a co-worker about that mystery boil you found in the shower, then yes, they probably do.

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  1. BananaStock / Via Thinkstock

    Tick off all the things that have happened at work.

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    Had someone comment on how you’re “far too bubbly for a Monday morning”.
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    Been 10 minutes late for work.
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    Been an hour late for work.
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    Missed an entire day of work because “fuck, we had work today?”
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    Eaten a smelly tuna sandwich at lunch.
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    Sneezed and not covered your mouth.
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    Coughed and not covered your mouth.
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    Complained about a hangover.
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    Called in sick when actually sick.
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    Called in sick when actually lazy.
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    Ignored an email from a co-worker.
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    Ignored said email for longer than a day.
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    Ignored said email for longer than three days.
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    Argued about politics at work.
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    Said “I’m not racist, but…”
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    Said “I’m not sexist, but…”
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    Said “I’m not homophobic, but…”
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    Farted at work.
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    Farted at work and pretended not to know what the smell was.
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    Farted at work and claimed it proudly.
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    Bragged about your day off.
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    Texted a co-worker with “how’s work ;)?” while on your day off.
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    Did #22 complete with a snapchat of your most annoying smug face.
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    Gotten drunk at an office party.
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    Gotten drunk at an office party and been a bit too honest with a co-worker about that curious boil you found just below your groin the other day.
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    Been sick at an office party.
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    Been sick on a co-worker at an office party.
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    Updated a co-worker on your sex life.
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    Updated a co-worker on your bodily functions.
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    Did both #28 and #29 unsolicited.
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    Gone to work without taking a shower.
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    Gone to work without putting deodorant on to at least hide the fact you haven’t had a shower.
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    Been called a “dirty bastard”.
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    Accidentally played footsie with a co-worker under the desk.
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    Accidentally stolen your co-worker’s charger.
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    Stolen your co-worker’s charger on purpose.
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    Accidentally spat on a co-worker’s face while talking.
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    Accidentally spat on a co-worker’s face while talking, nervously apologised and immediately tried to wipe the saliva off yourself.
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    Replied to constructive criticism with “well, that’s simply not true”.
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    Offered “constructive criticism” by saying “it’s just shit”.
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    Bitched about a co-worker to another co-worker.
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    Had a co-worker walk in while you were bitching about them.
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    Spoiled an episode of a popular TV programme for a colleague.
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    Been described as an “arrogant prick”.
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    Been described as a “patronising little shit”.
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    Been described in any way that would suggest you’re a fucking nightmare to work with.
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    Snitched on someone to HR.
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    Accidentally called your boss “Mum”.
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    Excessively used caps lock in your work emails.
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    Overused the “reply all” function in emails.
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    Signed off an email to a colleague with “Yours sincerely”.
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    Eaten someone else’s food in the communal fridge.
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    Eaten someone else’s food and left a note with “#RIP”.
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    Laughed so loudly other co-workers have stopped their work to glare at you.
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    Told a colleague they look tired.
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    Asked a colleague why they’re “so dressed up today”.
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    Used the phrase “that’s not my job”.
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    Told a colleague they’re “getting on a bit”.
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    Told a colleague they’re “getting on a bit” on their birthday.
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    Purposely “forgotten” to chip in on a leaving present for another colleague.
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    Given a colleague some badly wrapped candles for their Secret Santa present.
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    Accompanied the shitty candles with a “With Sympathy” card.
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    Been told to “fuck off” by a colleague in a playful manner.
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    Been told to “fuck off” by a colleague in a serious manner.
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    Said to a colleague “I thought you were meant to be on a diet?”
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    Had your phone out on a shift.
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    Been asked to stop taking selfies at work.
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    Refused to cover a shift for a colleague.
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    Refused to cover a shift for a colleague that has previously covered for you.
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    Told a terrible Dad joke at work without irony.
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    Used the word “banter” at work without irony.
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    Been told by a colleague that you can’t sing.
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    Sung anyway.
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    Worn a Christmas jumper at work within the month of November.
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    Worn a Christmas jumper period.
 
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