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Guys, I Hate To Break It To You, But Milk Is Shit

Hear me out. It is terrible.

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Hey, hi, hello. I know this is a bit out of the blue, but we need to have a super quick discussion about this "drink" we call MILK.

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Other names include "devil's nectar", "creamy dishwater", and "cow seepage".

“What about milk?” I hear you ask. "It’s good for you. It’s full of calcium. It’s delicious.” WRONG.

DreamWorks Pictures

Milk is fucking terrible, friends. Absolutely terrible. But let's discuss why, shall we?


Plus there are several different types of milk for absolutely no reason. / BuzzFeed

And people actually have arguments about which is best, when clearly the best milk is NO MILK AT ALL.


Milk has a tendency to cling to moustache hairs like a meek, desperate lover and there is never a time when that doesn't look gross.

And before you start with the whole "What about cheese? What about chocolate? They're made with milk!" Well of COURSE, any food that masks the taste of milk completely is wonderful.


Don't get me wrong, I know many of us have indulged in our fair share of boob milk when we were too young to know any better.


"But weren't you breastfed?" is not a good enough justification for having to tolerate milk. It may be ~natural~, but it tastes like shit.

It's that for those of us who have broken free from our milky oppression, we've just come to understand that milk is just a generally awful and trash drink.

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