Guys, I Hate To Break It To You, But Milk Is Shit
Hear me out. It is terrible.
Hey, hi, hello. I know this is a bit out of the blue, but we need to have a super quick discussion about this "drink" we call MILK.
“What about milk?” I hear you ask. "It’s good for you. It’s full of calcium. It’s delicious.” WRONG.
Firstly, milk has a consistency that has no idea what the fuck it's doing.
Plus there are several different types of milk for absolutely no reason.
Everything milk touches turns to shit, particularly cereal, which has a life expectancy of about 30 seconds once it's ruined by milk's overwhelmingly rubbish presence.
And speaking of life expectancy, milk's isn't that great.
The only semi-decent way to consume milk is to have it in tea, and even then people fucking ruin it by making it THIS COLOUR.
And if your hot drink isn't ruined by milky overkill, it's ruined by the gross little bits that are left in your drink.
Milk has a tendency to cling to moustache hairs like a meek, desperate lover and there is never a time when that doesn't look gross.
And milk and cookies is probably the reason Santa doesn't exist.
People who shamelessly drink glasses of milk on their own? Don't trust them.
And before you start with the whole "What about cheese? What about chocolate? They're made with milk!" Well of COURSE, any food that masks the taste of milk completely is wonderful.
But milk on its own? Absolutely not.
Don't get me wrong, I know many of us have indulged in our fair share of boob milk when we were too young to know any better.
And it's got nothing to do with the whole "white liquid from an animal's udder" situation.
It's that for those of us who have broken free from our milky oppression, we've just come to understand that milk is just a generally awful and trash drink.
So, if YOU hate milk, do not stand by and allow yourself to be alienated by milk-drinking heathens.
Milk is bad, and it always will be.
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