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37 Things That Are Absolutely Not Penises

These are 100% not penises. Promise. H/T mildlypenis.

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1. This ice lolly that looks nothing like a penis whatsoever.

2. This cute baby panda, born into the world looking nothing like a penis.

Becky Malinsky / AP / Via reddit.com

3. This completely innocent-looking cactus.

4. This equally innocent candle.

Happy birthday @patrickjb32 ! Heres a candle that looks like a penis

5. This incredibly subtle sock.

6. This chocolate Santa giving you more than you bargained for.

7. This delicious and curiously shaped pastry.

If you're having a bad day, just look at this pastry. It looks like a penis.

8. This Hello Kitty hand that absolutely does not look like she's holding a penis.

9. This flaccid carrot. Not penis.

10. This coffee stain that's just a coffee stain and nothing else.

ok i split some of my coffee and it looks like a penis i

11. This very direct instruction to shake the can, not the penis.

12. The inside of this penis, I mean, ornament.

13. This paperclip that gives more than one meaning to the word "bone".

14. This artwork in a parking lot looking nothing like a penis in a wig.

Day 3 and my parking spot still looks like a penis

15. This tomato and its genital-looking growth.

16. This pepper with a similar genital growth.

17. This multi-functional pillow that looks like every other regular pillow.

18. This dog named Peanut, also known as Penis.

His name is Peanut, but we call him penis because he literally looks like a penis....#thatsunfortunate

19. This slightly horrifying sign for ice cream, featuring a cream-hungry cow and a strange-looking dispenser.

20. The red monster's arm on this poor kid's shoes.

21. The tip of this ice pop that looks nothing like a penis head at all.

My ice pop thing legit looks like a penis head oh god

22. This guy standing under a tree that doesn't have a massive penis protruding out of it.

23. This interesting choice of decoration.

24. This mug that looks extra happy to serve you.

25. This sausage that's seen better days and looks pretty painful.

26. This hanger that's very, very well hung.

27. This Ikea plant minding its own business, looking nothing like a penis.

28. This weather announcement of heavy rain in the nether region.

29. This mural of a giraffe in a...cloak?

Or a giant penis. Whatever.
reddit.com / Via reddit.com

Or a giant penis. Whatever.

30. This lifeguard tube that looks like it could definitely give you life, if you know what I mean.

31. This ruler that we can only assume has a "special purpose".

32. This unfortunately placed balloon.

33. This guy's sweat patch that definitely does not look as if a giant dick has been plastered on to his back.

This dudes sweat looks like a penis 🙊

34. This gigantic pumpkin neck that would undoubtedly leave you breathless.

Because pumpkin is really that good!
reddit.com / Via reddit.com

Because pumpkin is really that good!

35. This adorable dog with a less-than-adorable tongue.

36. This soap design of two not-penises meeting as one.

37. And finally, this guy's chin.

this looks like a penis with ears omg