1.
Felt cute in this pic might delete soon tho
2.
"Do you have any bird houses I could have sex with?" "Sir, we only have bird houses you can have sex with."
3.
yes, we are a highly diverse company. susan in accounts is a goth
4.
Young man There are frogs all around I said Young man Keep those frogs off the ground
5.
i'm here to pickup your daughter
6.
![[loudly so the police officers behind me in the McDonald's line can hear]
Me: god I fucken hate crime](https://pbs.twimg.com/profile_images/834008437298130945/-y0yjdtr_normal.jpg)
[loudly so the police officers behind me in the McDonald's line can hear] Me: god I fucken hate crime
7.
NO ONE UNDERSTANDS HOW FUNNY THIS IS TO ME
8.
How fast was this duck going?
9.
it's sad how many traditions we let die
10.
You already know what the fuck is going on
11.
lol i'd never checked out LMFAO's full discography before
12.
I think about this cover art a lot
13.
Cracking open a cold and broken hallelujah with the boys
14.
bros, y'all letting ur girl go out lookin like this?
15.
jazz is my life...this is my music
16.
I rest my case
17.
Hey it's your uber driver am outside
18.
should i wake this dude up
19.
i fixed giraffes everyone
20.
I overheard a guy saying to his girlfriend "are you ready to fucking rage" as they walked into target together and that's what I want
21.
"So I should just sit down here while you paint my por - oh you're done"
22.
love my new bath bomb
23.
I’ve been laughing at this for like ten minutes please send help
24.
![[plant facts!!]
bananas are technically berries
almonds are seeds
avocados are mammals
most cucumbers are haunted
potatoes aren't even real](https://pbs.twimg.com/profile_images/875939727651864576/n60TVkJR_normal.jpg)
[plant facts!!] bananas are technically berries almonds are seeds avocados are mammals most cucumbers are haunted potatoes aren't even real
25.
italian condoms are weird
26.
BELLE: There goes the baker with his tray like always BAKER: well there goes Belle, singing her DAILY MEAN SONG about us
27.
My mom was told to give me a half up half down hairstyle. She didnt know what that meant so she did this..
28.
Purebread dogs vs. inbread dogs
29.
it’s a-me,
30.
and im falling asleep and she calling a cab while he's having a smoke and hes also a crab
31.
the smaller the battery the bigger it screm
32.
This gorilla looks like he wants pictures of Spiderman on his desk by noon
33.
my hands look like this, so hers can look like this
34.
tfw you want the minister of fisheries and oceans to review your snow crab proposal
