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20 Things Only People Who Hate Sharing Food Will Understand
Can you just bugger off and get your own?
1. "Can I try one?" is your most dreaded phrase.
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Please. Just don't ask.
2. When you begrudgingly offer some of your food and they take the ONE PIECE you’ve been inwardly begging them not to take...
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Not THAT one you SWINE.
3. ...which is precisely why you never do it.
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4. Purposely refusing to ask for anyone else’s food, just in case they try to ask for yours.
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5. Trying to think of a polite way to tell someone to piss off when they ask for a bite.
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6. Feeling like the world’s about to end when a friend cheekily steals a chip without asking…
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7. …or when people generally take your food without permission.
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8. So your food protecting reflexes are on point.
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9. When you specifically tell someone they can have one and more than one magically appears in their hand.
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10. Friends who know you hate sharing approach with extreme caution when daring to ask for a bite of your food.
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11. In fact, if they know what’s good for them, most don’t ask at all.
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12. You’re more concerned about who got the bigger half than you should be.
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13. You subtly keep an eye on how much the other person has had in the rare event you are sharing.
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14. When people say “you can’t possibly eat all that food by yourself”:
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~WATCH ME.~
15. Feeling like you’ll never be full again watching some of your food go into the mouth of somebody else.
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16. Pre-warning your friends that you won’t be sharing any of your food before anyone asks.
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17. When people make suggestive comments about how great your food looks.
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Oh God.
18. Being called selfish by your haters.
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You're still not getting any.
19. Occasionally wishing you could change your ways when you see someone else sharing their food with no problem.
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How do they do that?
20. But ultimately knowing the only way you can truly be happy is if you eat it all to yourself.
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