1. "I had a customer finish the food, lick their plate, and put the dirty plate under their chair because they were done."
2. "A couple used to come to our restaurant twice a week, and every time they'd come, they'd drop a couple hundred dollars...which is PROBABLY why we let them book an eight-person table for two people and six stuffed animals. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯"
3. "We had a customer we called 'The Bird Lady' who would come to our fine dining restaurant with her husband and proceed to chew up each bite of food, spit it out, dip it in sauce, and then feed it to her husband."
4. "A woman asked me for a side of ketchup...for her SALAD."
5. "I once watched a 2-year-old girl drag her chair to a table across the room and stand on it so she could be tall enough to flirt with a high school–aged boy eating with his parents. It was pretty adorable."
6. "It was early in the morning, and we weren't open yet, just setting up for breakfast, but the windows were open. This woman in a tiny sequin dress and tall heels stumbled to our door, couldn't open it, and realized it was locked...so she decided to walk in through the window and got stuck. We had to push her back out the window to dislodge her. It was very awkward. I felt so bad for her that I gave her a coffee and a waffle for free."
7. "Someone looked at the bill, saw salad on it, and said, 'Why am I being charged for a house salad? House salad, as in, on the house!' And they weren't kidding."
8. "A guy once connected so many plastic straws he could drink his soda from the table over. We were not happy that he'd found that many straws."
9. "A customer working on her laptop once pulled out a flatbed scanner, but I don't think our café had sufficient electricity for her."
10. "I work at an Australian-themed restaurant, and people always try to order in the accent, or they tell me to do the accent. Then they ask if the food is from Australia, and I'm just like, 'No, it's burgers, we're in a mall in upstate New York, come on.'"
11. "This one lady would sit on a bunch of butter packets to soften the butter before using it."
12. "A couple had us put a candle in a loaf of bread and bring it out as if it were a birthday cake, but we had to sing happy anniversary instead."
13. "Saw a man stick his finger in the ketchup bottle."
14. "We used to have a guy come into the restaurant every weekend for a date with a new girl. He'd order the same thing and tell the same stories. Every. Saturday."
15. "I had a customer order a glass of water, and when I brought it to him, he stuck his hand into it and proceeded to lick the water from his hand like a cat."
16. "A man once used my hand as a napkin. He said, 'May I please have another napkin so I don't have to do this again?' That's when he took the back of my hand and wiped his mouth with it."