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How Punny Are You, Actually?

So you think you're tons of pun? GEICO has a good list you should probably check.

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  1. Check off all the ones you laugh at.

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    I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.
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    I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. And then it hit me.
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    Normally I don't get airplane humor. The jokes are over my head.
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    I’m glad I know sign language, it’s pretty handy.
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    I’ve never taken an elevator to the basement floor. That’s just beneath me.
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    Puns about monorails always make for decent one-liners.
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    If towels could tell jokes, I bet their sense of humor would be very dry.
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    I’ve been to the dentist a few times, so I know the drill.
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    To the guy who invented zero: thanks for nothing.
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    I used to be a carpenter, but then I got board.
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    The math professor went nuts on the blackboard. He really did a number on it.
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    A horse is a very stable animal.
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    I couldn’t work out how to fasten my seatbelt, but then it clicked.
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    When I found out my toaster wasn’t waterproof, I was shocked!
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    I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down!
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    Do I ever make chemistry jokes? Periodically.
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    I don’t trust people who use graph paper. They’re always plotting something!
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    Why do teenage girls hang out in odd numbers? Because they can’t even.
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    The other day a clown opened the door for me. It was a nice jester.
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    The coffee tasted like mud, because it was just ground a few minutes ago.
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    The indecisive rower couldn’t choose either oar.
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    Being a garbageman is the best job in any economy. Business is always picking up.
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    Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
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    Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
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    The dog has a lot of potential. You just have to unleash it.
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    What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.
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    Why don’t cannibals eat clowns? Because they taste funny!
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    A criminal’s best asset is his lie ability.
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    A backwards poet writes inverse.
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    Sea captains don’t like crew cuts.
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    What kind of animal always has buck teeth? A male deer.
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    The angry bird took off from his perch on the doorknob. He really flew off the handle.
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    I couldn’t quite remember how to throw a boomerang, but eventually it came back to me.
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    Velcro: what a rip-off!
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    Where does an elephant go for skin care? The pachydermatologist.
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    I was addicted to the hokey-pokey, but I turned myself around.
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    What’s a cow cutting your grass by eating it? A lawn mooer.
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    How was the blind date between two predatory birds? Hawkward.
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    This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I’d never met herbivore.
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    Be kind to your dentist. He has fillings too!
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    How do you make antifreeze? You steal her blanket.
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    How do you organize a space party? You planet.
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    Ancient orators tend to Babylon.
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    I dropped my pork chop. Somebody call the hambulance.
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    Why is Peter Pan always flying? Because he lives in Neverland. (I love that pun because it has a great Hook.)
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    Where did the king put his armies? In his sleevies.
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    Whoever invented the “knock-knock joke” should get a no-bell prize.
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    What do you call a five-foot psychic that's escaped from jail? A small medium at large.
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    What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.

What kind of car does a pig drive? A trans-ham!

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