A hilariously spiteful e-mail from the captain of an adult kickball team in Atlanta who was apparently under the impression that people took the game seriously. Here is that e-mail, with names redacted and grammar left uncorrected. It is presented alongside photos of adult kickball that convey the stoic dignity this team captain obviously thinks the sport commands. Joke.
Let me ask a real simple question... What was that? Seriously, did you guys just think you could show up and win? That was pathetic. Again, pathetic. I know we kid around a lot and try to have fun and a good time, but what is the point if you guys aren't even going to try? I can count several instances, and not to name names but I think I will this time just to get my point across...
[redacted], are you just trying to show off your speed by letting the ball drop in front of you when you play the outfield so you can run and get it? joke. Do you not care? If you don't care that is fine, but some of us do.
[redacted], how about running out your kicks after they're in play instead of just jogging down to first base as though it doesn't matter. joke. you got very lucky the ref called you safe. you were out.
[redacted], your obp% is the worst on the team. I thought you played before.
[redacted], great pitching and defense... yeah right, I can count about 3 or 4 plays in my head where you just allow them, basically, to reach base and score, and you probably cost us 5 runs single handedly. great job dude.
Some of you guys are striking out, others can't catch a pop fly, others don't even know which base to throw the ball to. Are you guys adults. Thought this was an adult kickball league, as in you act like adults and play the way you are supposed to.
Do you want to play?
I thought you joined this league to be competitive and win, but maybe I thought wrong.
Tell ya what, if any of you guys are going to bring that lame shit out to field next week, why don't you do us all a favor and just stay home and watch t.v. instead. Seriously, I am embarrassed to be a part of this. We LOST 20 - 0 tonight. That is a freaking joke.
Again, I know we joke around and try to have fun, and I'm not trying to be Mr. Serious here, but that was not fun. I am not kidding, don't come next week if you are going to act like a bunch of children out there.
Thank you to the people who did try tonight:
mainly [redacted], myself, [redacted], and [redacted]. and [redacted].
The rest of you better think about what I'm talking about unless you don't care in which case we don't want you coming out anyway. FUCKING JOKE.
AND HERE'S GANDHI READING THE SAME E-MAIL ON THE MOON FOR NO GOOD REASON