Eating Raw Habanero Peppers Is Not A Great Idea

As this dimwitted fellow discovered the hard way. Y’know…for Cinco De Mayo!

I am that dimwitted fellow, and I decided to eat a plate of spicy peppers, culminating with a couple of habanero chilies. The habanero is admittedly not as hot as a ghost chili, but it still tops out at 350,000 on the Scoville Hotness Scale (a jalapeno, for comparison, is only 2,500 on the Scoville Scale).

ACTUAL PHYSICAL REACTIONS I EXPERIENCED AFTER INGESTING 2 HABANERO CHILIES (IN NO PARTICULAR ORDER):

1. SWEATING

2. NUMBNESS OF FINGERS

3. IMPAIRED SPEECH

4. LIGHTHEADEDNESS (ALMOST FAINTED)

5. INTENSE BURNING SENSATION IN MOUTH

6. INTENSE BURNING SENSATION IN INNER EARS

7. TINGLING IN ARMS AND LEGS

8. CRAMPING IN LEGS

9. KNEES GIVING OUT

10. TUNNEL VISION

11. STOMACH CRAMPS

12. LOCK JAW

13. RACING HEART

14. RUNNY NOSE AND TEARS

15. YOU REALLY DON’T WANT TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENED THE NEXT MORNING, SUFFICE IT TO SAY THAT TUCK’S MEDICATED PADS WOULD’VE COME IN HANDY

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