I am that dimwitted fellow, and I decided to eat a plate of spicy peppers, culminating with a couple of habanero chilies. The habanero is admittedly not as hot as a ghost chili, but it still tops out at 350,000 on the Scoville Hotness Scale (a jalapeno, for comparison, is only 2,500 on the Scoville Scale).
ACTUAL PHYSICAL REACTIONS I EXPERIENCED AFTER INGESTING 2 HABANERO CHILIES (IN NO PARTICULAR ORDER):
2. NUMBNESS OF FINGERS
3. IMPAIRED SPEECH
4. LIGHTHEADEDNESS (ALMOST FAINTED)
5. INTENSE BURNING SENSATION IN MOUTH
6. INTENSE BURNING SENSATION IN INNER EARS
7. TINGLING IN ARMS AND LEGS
8. CRAMPING IN LEGS
9. KNEES GIVING OUT
10. TUNNEL VISION
11. STOMACH CRAMPS
12. LOCK JAW
13. RACING HEART
14. RUNNY NOSE AND TEARS
15. YOU REALLY DON’T WANT TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENED THE NEXT MORNING, SUFFICE IT TO SAY THAT TUCK’S MEDICATED PADS WOULD’VE COME IN HANDY
- The Women's March on Washington was one of the largest protests in the city's history.
- Trump's spokesman held a press conference to blame grass coverings for "minimizing" the crowd at the inauguration 🤔
- Members of the national security community reacted with shock after Trump attacked his critics while giving a speech at CIA headquarters.
- "SNL" featured a shirtless Vladimir Putin celebrating America's newest President.