Music

40 Masturbation Songs

To mark the passing of Masturbation Month, here are 40 musical odes to onanism. These songs are either completely about masturbation, make reference to masturbation or involve sex toys designed for self-pleasure. This list is by no means comprehensive. Add your favorite auto-erotic tracks in the comments below!

  • 1. "She Bop" Cyndi Lauper

    "Do I wanna go out with a lions roar/Huh, yea, I wanna go south and get me some more/Hey, they say that a stitch in time saves nine/They say I better stop, or Ill go blind/Oop, she bop, she bop"

  • 2. "Longview" Green Day

    "When masturbation's lost its fun/You're fucking lazy/Bite my lip and close my eyes
    Take me away to paradise/I'm so damn bored/I'm going blind"

  • 3. "Turning Japanese" The Vapors

    "This I've got your picture, I've got your picture/I'd like a million of you all round my cell/I want a doctor to take your picture/So I can look at you from inside as well/You've got me turning up and turning down/And turning in and turning 'round/I'm turning Japanese, I think I'm turning Japanese"

  • 4. "I Don't Need A Man" The Pussycat Dolls

    "I don't need a man to make it happen/I get off being free/I don't need a man to make me feel good/I get off doing my thing/I don't need a ring around my finger/To make me feel complete"
    So let me break it down/I can get off when you ain't around"

  • 5. "Holiday Song" The Pixies

    "He took his sister from his bed and he painted her on the sheets/This ain't no holiday/'Cause it always turns out this way/Here I am with my hand"

  • 6. "Doin' Laundry" Nerf Herder

    "I was thinking of you when I jerked off into my sock last night/I was thinking of you when I jerked off into my sock/I was thinking of you, I wish I had more than two/'Cause I can't find anything else to do"

  • 7. "Severed Lips" Dinosaur Jr.

    "I never knew a rubber doll/Would be so hard to please/Now I'm reachin' out
    One last burst before I retract/No one will know until I finally let go/Of the one thing I ain't gonna never get back/I wanna help you/Baby, can't you see?/You're better than my pillow/'Cos you don't stain so easily, oh no"

  • 8. "If" Janet Jackson

    "How many nights I've laid in bed excited over you/I've closed my eyes and thought of us/A hundred different ways/I've gotten there so many times"

  • 9. "Rosie" Jackson Browne

    "Rosie, you're all right, you wear my ring/When you hold me tight, Rosie, that's my thing/When you turn out the light I got to hand it to me/Looks like it's me and you again tonight, Rosie"

  • 10. "Every Day I Die" Gary Numan

    "Obscene dreams in/Rusty beds/No one came here/Tonight I pulled on me/I need to/I unstick pages and read/I look at pictures of you/I smell the lust in my hands/Everyday I die"

  • 11. "Muscle of Love" Alice Cooper

    "I read Dad's books like I did before/Now things are crystal clear/Lock the door in the bathroom now/I just can't get caught in here/I got a muscle of love/Holy muscle of love"

  • 12. "The Stroke" Billy Squier

    "Stroke me, stroke me/Stroke me, stroke me/Say you're a winner, but man you're just a sinner now"

  • 13. "Be My Girl (Sally)" The Police

    "She came all wrapped in cardboard, all pink and shriveled down/A breath of air was all she needed to make her lose that frown/I took her to the bedroom and pumped her with some life"

  • 14. "Thinking About You" Radiohead

    "Been thinking about you, and there's no rest/Shit, I still love you, still see you in bed/But I'm playing with myself, and what do you care"

  • 15. "Fingers" Pink

    "When it's late at night and you're fast asleep/I let my fingers do the walking/I press record I become a fiend/And no one else is watching/I let my fingers do the walking"

  • 16. "Jizzlobber" Faith No More

    "I hide the dirty minutes under my dirty mattress and they are making me itch/My time
    is spilt milk"

  • 17. "Homemade" Sebadoh

    "Sittin' around with my homemade bone/I'm naked and loose when no one's home/And I may let my fingers roam/Juicing free on my holy bone"

  • 18. "M&M's" Blink 182

    "My love life was getting so bland/There are only so many ways I can make love with my hand"

  • 19. "Pink Thing" XTC

    "Anytime you rise, I'm here/And I'm crazy for you pink thing/You make me want to laugh/You make me want to cry/When I stroke your head I feel a hundred heartbeats high"

  • 20. "Strokin'" Clarence Carter

    "I stroke it to the east/And I stroke it to the west/And I stroke it to the woman that I love the best, huh/I be strokin'/I be strokin'/I stroke it to the north/I stroke it to the south/I stroke it everywhere/I even stroke it with my...WOO!"

  • 21. "It's Only Me" Barenaked Ladies

    "I'm not antisocial, and it's nothing that's reproachful/It's just natural/It's only me/I can't think of anybody else I'd rather spend some one on one time with/It's not that hard to see/It's only me"

  • 22. "Captain Jack" Billy Joel

    "Your sister's gone out, she's on a date/You just sit at home and masturbate/Your phone is gonna ring soon, but you just can't wait"

  • 23. "Auto-Manipulator" Crispin Glover

    "Women are sweet/And girls are honey/But beat your meat and save your money/I'm an auto-manipulator/I play with myself/I'm a masturbator"

  • 24. "Billy Liar" The Decemberists

    "Billy Liar's got his hands in his pockets/Staring over at the neighbor's, knickers down/He's got his knickers down"

  • 25. "Coin-Operated Boy" The Dresden Dolls

    "I'm dying to lose it/Want it/I want you/I want a coin operated boy/And if I had a star to wish on/For my life I cant imagine/Any flesh and blood could be his match/I can even take him in the bath"

  • 26. "Vibrator" Electric Six

    "She don't, she don't, she don't need no vibrator/She don't, she don't, she don't need no electric entertainer, tuna investigator...She don't, she don't, she don't need no vibrator/She don't, she don't, she don't need no artificial stimulator, non-organic excavator "

  • 27. "I Touch Myself" Divinyls

    "I don't want anybody else/And when I think about you I touch myself/Ooh, ooh, ooh, aah"

  • 28. "Darling Nikki" Prince

    "I knew a girl named Nikki/I guess you could say she was a sex fiend/I met her in a hotel lobby/Masturbating with a magazine/She said 'How'd you like to waste some time?'/And I could not resist when I saw little Nikki grind"

  • 29. "Icicle" Tori Amos

    "And when my hand touches myself/I can finally rest my head/And when they take from his body/I think I'll take from mine instead/Getting off, getting off while they're all downstairs"

  • 30. "Dancing With Myself" Billy Idol

    "When there's no one else in sight/In the crowded lonely night/Well I wait so long/For my love vibration/And I'm dancing with myself"

  • 31. "Blister In The Sun" Violent Femmes

    "Let me go on, like I blister in the sun/Let me go on, big hands I know your the one/Body and beats, I stain my sheets/I don't even know why"

  • 32. "Praying Hands" Devo

    "You got your left hand/You got your right hand/The left hand's diddling/While the right hand goes to work"

  • 33. "My Ding-A-Ling" Chuck Berry

    "When I was little boy in grammar school/Always went by the very best rule/But every time the bell would ring/You'd catch me playing with my ding-a-ling"

  • 34. "Orgasm Addict" The Buzzcocks

    "Well you tried it just for once found it all right for kicks/But now you found out that it's a habit that sticks/And you're an orgasm addict, you're an orgasm addict/Sneaking in the back door with dirty magazines/Now your mother wants to know what all those stains on your jeans"

  • 35. "Oops (Oh My)" Tweet, Featuring Missy Elliot

    "I looked over to the left/I was looking so good I couldn't reject myself/I looked over to the left/I was feeling so good I had to touch myself/I looked over to the left/I was eyein' my thighs, butter pecan brown/I looked over to the left/Comin' outta my shirt and then the skirt came down"

  • 36. "Pictures Of Lily" The Who

    "Pictures of Lily made my life so wonderful/Pictures of Lily helped me sleep at night/Pictures of Lily solved my childhood problems/Pictures of Lily helped me feel alright"

  • 37. "St. Swithin's Day" Billy Bragg

    "With my own hands/When I make love to your memory/It's not the same/I miss the thunder, I miss the rain"

  • 38. "The Keys To Her Ferrari" Thomas Dolby

    "Little rivers of anticipation ran down my inseam/As I kicked those 500 Italian horses into life and left reality behind me/50, 60, 70 miles an hour/My hand slipped inside the belt of my trousers/As we hit 80, 90 miles an hour/And as we passed the magic 100 my love exploded/All over her bright pink leather interior/And at that moment, I thought of my mother"

  • 39. "Pump It Up" Elvis Costello

    "Down in the pleasure centers/Hell bent or heaven sent/Listen to the propaganda/Listen to the latest slander/There's nothing underhand/That she wouldn't understand/Pump it up until you can feel it/Pump it up when you don't really need it"

  • 40. "Touch Of My Hand" Britney Spears

    "Cause I just discovered/Imagination's taken over/Another day without a lover/The more I come to understand the touch of my hand/The small of my back/The arch of my feet/Lately I've been noticing the beautiful me/I'm all in my skin and I'm not gonna wait/I'm into myself in a most precious way"

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