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This Website Will Save You From Hillary Clinton *AND* Cancer

The internet is a dark, dark place.

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Meet Jenny Thompson, the alleged "whistleblower" who is here to save your life.

She is the Director of "The Health Sciences Institute, LLC."

The Health Sciences Institute (HSI) is an independent organization, dedicated to uncovering and researching the most urgent advances in modern underground medicine. Whether they come from a laboratory in Malaysia, a clinic in South America, or a university in Germany, our goal is to bring the treatments that work directly to the people who need them. We alert our Members to exciting breakthroughs in medicine, show them exactly where to go to learn more, and help them understand how they and their families can benefit from these powerful discoveries.

The Health Sciences Institute (HSI) is an independent organization, dedicated to uncovering and researching the most urgent advances in modern underground medicine. Whether they come from a laboratory in Malaysia, a clinic in South America, or a university in Germany, our goal is to bring the treatments that work directly to the people who need them. We alert our Members to exciting breakthroughs in medicine, show them exactly where to go to learn more, and help them understand how they and their families can benefit from these powerful discoveries.

Who belongs to this organization, you ask?

"FOLKS: They're just like us!"
HSI

"FOLKS: They're just like us!"

According to herself, Jenny directs our country's "premiere health information network."

HSI
HSI

Jenny has some bad news:

HSI

Now, let's take a step back and zoom out to the webpage where this text can be found, along with a creepy voiceover by someone who I can only assume to be the great Jenny Thompson, saver of American lives.

HSI

Total.

Zach Dougherty / Via blog.dashburst.com

Distortion.

She issues a call to action:

HSI
HSI

Protect your family from what exactly?

HSI
HSI

Hold up - you're saying there's a drug that could *potentially* kill me, and it's just lurking in my medicine cabinet?!

MTV / Via mtv.com

Wow, that is bad news!

HSI

DUN DUN DUN...

Five hundred and thirty percent, people!
HSI

Five hundred and thirty percent, people!

Now that she has your attention, she presents one of seven "natural, safe alternatives, amazing cures and breakthroughs."

This is where it becomes sad. Because this is the moment when you realize that this kind of hell-spawned click-bait is a shard of hope to some person out there who is fighting a serious, life-threatening illness.
HSI

This is where it becomes sad. Because this is the moment when you realize that this kind of hell-spawned click-bait is a shard of hope to some person out there who is fighting a serious, life-threatening illness.

Let's unpack that metaphor, folks...
HSI

Let's unpack that metaphor, folks...

...on second thought, let's not...

Why won't we hear about this "cure" from a normal, reputable source?

=0
HSI

=0

"I'm a pusher. I push people."

Via tzr.io

Many long minutes (that I can never reclaim) have gone by, and Jenny is finally ready to share her solution with us all.

HSI
HSI

It... vaporizes... cancer?

Via popkey.co

I know what you're all thinking. "Gosh, Jenny, I mean, this sounds great and all, but it does sound too good to be true."

Via GIPHY

That's because it is.

In case you had any doubts about the legitimacy of these claims, you can ask your local pissed consumer, here.
Via the-health-sciences-institute.pissedconsumer.com

In case you had any doubts about the legitimacy of these claims, you can ask your local pissed consumer, here.

Before you go...

SHUT IT DOWN, KIDS.

Via giphy.com
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