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    44 Funny Valentine's Day Cards To Make You Laugh

    If your Valentine's Day plans are less "candlelit dinners and long-stemmed roses" and more "puns, fart jokes, and a Big Mouth marathon," we've got some cards for you.

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    1. A card that gets real about what happens in your bedroom ~after hours~.

    Truth and Art Designs on Etsy

    Truth and Art Designs is an Etsy shop based in New Jersey that creates greeting cards with "a little somethin' somethin.'"

    Promising review: "Nice heavy grade card stock, quality item. Nice change to purchase something like this online and not be disappointed! I'm impressed!" —outlaws1753

    Get it from Truth and Art Designs on Etsy for $4.50 (available in three colors and three envelope colors)

    2. A punny card for the wordplay lover in your life (or the wool lover in your life! We're not here to judge what you do in your free time).

    A drawing of a blue ball of wool, with "Wool you be mine?" written in black type across the top
    SKP Ink on Etsy

    SKP Ink is an Etsy shop founded in 2013 and based in North Carolina that makes "bad jokes by good people."

    Promising review: "This was everything I wanted and more. It also came really quick. Thank you so much for customizing my message on the inside! I can't wait to give this to my significant other for our anniversary!" —valyssa99

    Get it from SKP Ink on Etsy for $3.50 (available blank or with a personalized message)

    3. A card that speaks the truth about a truly wondrous relationship feat.

    A drawing of two cats who are high-fiving, with the words "Yay, we still like each other" written over them in black ink
    Amazon

    The card's interior says: "Truly amazing."

    Promising review: "This is for my 18th anniversary, I bought it for my husband, both of us love cats, so when he saw this card, he was laughing a lot~^^" —Claire Chou

    Get it from Amazon for $6.95

    4. A card for couples who know that when it comes to love, the intention is more important than the execution.

    A card with a cartoon drawing of a mountain that says "I'd climb a mountain for you, but I might only make it this far," with an arrow pointing to the middle of the mountain
    Amazon

    Promising review: "Super cute. He loved this card!" —Cherie S.

    Get it from Amazon for $4.97

    5. A card that celebrates the two things all the best relationships run on: gratitude and breakfast foods.

    A cartoon anthropomorphic butter stick and loaf of bread, with "You're my butter half" written in black
    Amazon

    Promising review: "Packaged well. As described! Would recommend." —Irene Kel

    Get it from Amazon for $5.95

    6. An adorable The Office card, because you love how your Valentine has been salesman of the month for 13 of the last 12 months.

    A drawing of Dwight Schrute, covered in lipstick kisses, and the words "All you need is love—false, the four basic human necessities are air, water, food and shelter"
    Amazon

    Promising review: "I got this card for my girlfriend and she absolutely loved it. It’s a high quality card with a glossy coating!" —Axton Horn

    Get it from Amazon for $6.99

    7. A card that salutes the shared values that hold a relationship together.

    A black card with a drawing of a computer and the words "Of all the weirdos on the internet, I'm glad I picked you"
    Amazon

    Get it from Amazon for $7.81

    8. A card for those who know that the couple who WhatsApps together, stays together.

    A white card with a drawing of a phone and the words "You're still my favorite notification"
    Amazon

    Get it from Amazon for $5.99

    9. A Friends card, because what better way is there to tell your Valentine that you want to mate/ watch TV together for life?

    A white card with a red drawing of a lobster and "You're my lobster" written in black
    Amazon

    Promising review: "t’s so cute!! Very good quality, if someone send this card to me, I will feel I am special." —Franklin T Lam

    Get it on Amazon for $3.95

    10. A card for your home's designated bug-mover-awayer.

    A white card that says "Thanks for always being there when I need you most" in black, over a cartoon of a spider trapped under a glass
    Amazon

    Promising review: "I received exactly as ordered. The card was packaged extremely well in its own plastic jacket. Old-style envelope, which was a distinct unique touch to the card. It came unblemished in pristine condition and packaged well. Will order similar cards again!" —Fuga

    Get it from Amazon for $5.88

    11. A card that shows that a Valentine is nothing compared to a Galentine.

    A pink card that says "Let's make a date to not have a date"
    Amazon

    The card's interior says: "Happy Galentine's Day."

    Promising review: "Very cute quality card." —Amanda

    Get it from Amazon for $5.98

    12. A charming crustacean card, because your romance began by the sea (or over a shrimp platter).

    A white card with a red drawing of a shrimp, and the words "You're shrimply the best" in black
    Amazon

    Promising review: "Super cute! Great quality too!" —Delaney

    Get it from Amazon for $5.99

    13. A card for couples who are otterly smitten with each other.

    A drawing of two otters hugging, with the words "You're my otter half" written in script
    Amazon

    Promising review: "Very cute card. Husband and I always do otter pun cards and this one is great. The paper is very nice and thick. High quality." —ALfromTX

    Get it from Amazon for $9.55

    14. A card that truly gets at the essence of romantic commitment.

    A white card with a drawing of an air puff with "Love is not having to hold your farts in"
    Amazon

    Get it from Amazon for $5.95

    15. A Tiger King card, because of your love that was forged over Netflix marathon viewings.

    A white card with a drawing of a tiger and "I would never feed you to the tigers" in orange type
    Amazon

    Promising review: "Very nicely made card. Thick paper and nice envelope." —Tracy Gerlach

    Get it from Amazon for $5.88

    16. A card for couples who have had at least one discussion about which one of you will be the designated zombie-killer in a Walking Dead-type situation.

    A card with a dark black ink abstract drawing, and the words "When the zombie apocalypse comes, I want to be by your side"
    Amazon

    Get it from Amazon for $8.95

    17. A card that you can present to your Valentine while saying, "I know you wanted a ring this year, but remember what it did to Gollum?" Ha ha, I'm sure they'll find that HILARIOUS.

    A red card with a drawing of Gollum from Lord of the Rings, and the words "I love you...my precious"
    Amazon

    Get it from Amazon for $6.95

    18. A straightforward card, so you can celebrate that your relationship survived this experience (the interior is blank, in case you need to write out a detailed apology for how you acted while hangry).

    A white card with red hearts and the words "Thanks for always loving me, even when I get hangry" in black
    Amazon

    Get it from Amazon for $3.96

    19. A charming card for the medical professional who has won your heart.

    A red card with black text, styled like an eye chart, that reads "I only have eyes for you"
    Amazon

    The card's interior says: "I have another body part for you, too!"

    Promising review: "Really well designed and printed card. The material is sturdy. The packaging it came in was super cute too. and the shipping was super fast. Satisfied." —jessica gutierrez

    Get it from Amazon for $5.98

    20. A card that gets straight to the point.

    A white card with succulent plants painted on it, and "You don't suck" in yellow-brown
    Amazon

    Promising review: "She couldn’t stop laughing. Great delivery." —Edward

    Get it from Amazon for $9.55

    21. An app-related card, so you can celebrate the swipe that made you finally stop swiping.

    A pink card with an off-white heart and the words "I'd delete Tinder for you"
    Amazon

    Get it from Amazon for $4.49

    22. A sarcastic card, because you're just not too sentimental about V-Day (plus, it comes with stickers to personalize the interior and envelope!)

    A black card with "Nothing says 'I love you' like a folded piece of card" in white
    Amazon

    Promising review: "This card is hilarious! Well-made, and it even came with stickers! I will be back to purchase more!" —Monica

    Get it from Amazon for $4.49

    23. A Schitt's Creek card for your Valentine who has excellent taste in TV.

    A white card featuring a drawing of David Rose from "Schitt's Creek," with pink hearts and the words "You're simply the best" in black type
    PaigeByDesigns on Etsy

    Paige By Designs is an Etsy shop founded in 2015 and based in Buffalo, NY that makes cards, paper goods, banners, and more.

    Promising review: "This card looks EXACTLY as pictured on great quality paper. My partner and I are huge Schitt’s Creek fans, and he loved receiving this on Valentine’s Day!" —Rashad Gober

    Get it from Paige By Designs on Etsy for $6.07

    24. A card that combines your two passions: your partner and pizza.

    A white card with a drawing of a heart-shaped pizza, and "You have a pizza my heart" in handwriting-style type
    Amazon

    Promising review: "I love the play on words ... my go to choice for my pizza lover friend for Valentine's Day. Will definitely be buying more of these cards from Wunderkid." —Sonnystuff

    Get it from Amazon for $8.95

    25. A card for your friend who's incredibly sweet (or who just loves any food that's essentially a sandwich made of candy).

    A full-color drawing of a s'more, with the words "I love you s'more every day" written in black
    Amazon

    Promising review: "Beautifully crafted cards to send to people you love, and support young artists through school!" —Jeffrey C Cleveland

    Get it from Amazon for $8.95

    26. A creepy pop-up card, so you can wish a spooky St. Valentine's to the loved one who always helps you get in touch with your inner Sanderson sister.

    Amazon

    Promising review: "Beautiful pop up card. Great quality." —Mrs. Owen

    Get it from Amazon for $15

    27. A card that immortalizes that first Valentine's Day together, when you're like, "Wait, should I even get a card? Did you do that? Are we doing that??"

    A photo of a cat with the words "I kinda, sorta like you" in red and gold
    Amazon

    Promising review: "Bought the 'Kinda, Sorta Like You' cat card for my husband for Valentines day. We are cat lovers so it was 'the one.' Came in perfect condition and exactly as presented in the pictures. The price can not be beat either, while looking at the store was hard to find a pretty basic card under $5." —Jess

    Get it from Amazon for $3.99

    28. A card for couples who know the real secret of their relationship success.

    A white card that says "I know we are meant to be together because we both know that this is not a real holiday"
    Amazon

    Get it from Amazon for $5.99

    29. A card that brings together the two best things in life: eternal love and Corgi butts.

    A drawing of a Corgi with a heart on its butt, with "I (heart) you" written around it
    Amazon

    Promising review: "Cute card. It made my wife happy." —David Bain

    Get it from Amazon for $4.99

    30. A totally honest card, so you can let your love know that you truly are a hopeless romantic.

    A blue card that says "I definitely could not have tolerated me for this long" in white
    Amazon

    Promising review: "Funny card. Well-made. Excellent quality and purchase!" —Amazon Customer

    Get it from Amazon for $5.99

    31. A card for the person you're glad to be an "us" with.

    Two drawings of cacti, with the words "Cact-u, cact-i, cact-us"
    Amazon

    Get it from Amazon for $5.95

    32. A card that proves that love solves everything (except snoring, you need to buy those little nose strips for that).

    A white card that reads "I lie awake at night wondering how I got so lucky (and also because you snore)" in black type
    Amazon

    Promising review: "It’s bigger than a standard card, which was great for leaving a nice, long note inside. Very sturdy and good quality, and he got a big kick out of the front. Be careful that you use a quick dry pen, because the inside is glossy and it will smear!" —Amazon customer

    Get it from Amazon for $5.99

    33. A Rihanna card so your loved one can know that your love shines bright like a diamond (but also, you do NOT have the money for a diamond, so they better be happy with this).

    A drawing of Rihanna on a white card, with "I Ri Ri Like You" written above it in black
    kokocards on Etsy

    Koko Cards is an Etsy shop founded in 2016 and based in Toronto, Canada that's all about "Spread greeting cards, not germs."

    Promising review: "Kokocards is amazing! Love the original artwork, which makes giving these cards to friends way more personal." —safiadhanji

    Get it from Koko Cards on Etsy for $5.72

    34. A card that shows how much you appreciate your loved one's willingness to be your personal electric blanket

    A blue card with a drawing of a pineapple and the words "Let's cuddle so I can steal your body heat"
    Amazon

    Promising review: "She loved this card! It was the perfect find because my GF is like a little personal heater and my hands are always cold. The durability was better than expected, and it was packaged perfectly." —Tiff D

    Get it from Amazon for $6.99

    35. A card for the couple whose love language is sarcasm.

    A blue card that says "I will always love you (terms and conditions may apply)"
    Amazon

    Get it from Amazon for $5.99

    36. A Queer Eye card that will help you say, "this relationship is absolutely shamazing."

    A blue card with a drawing of Tan France that says "You're the Tan to my French tuck"
    Foggish on Etsy

    Foggish is an Etsy shop founded in 2017 and based in London, UK that makes funny cards and colorful gifts.

    Promising review: "This was the perfect Valentine’s Day card for my best friend!" —Alexis Esposito

    Get it from Foggish on Etsy for $4.57

    37. A card for couples where the Forensic Files is the third person in your relationship.

    Amazon

    Promising review: "My partner isn't really a fan of normal cards, and it is hard to get a laugh from anything other than a meme. But this card did the trick. It has suspense, then a funny surprise. I am hoping for a holiday edition of this joke." —Amazon Customer

    Get it from Amazon for $4.25

    38. A card featuring Big Mouth's Hormone Monstress, because declarations of love are even better when you imagine Maya Rudolph saying them.

    A drawing of the Hormone Monstress from "Big Mouth," saying "You are a tall drink of water and I am thirsty"
    PenAndMeow on Etsy

    Pen And Meow is an Etsy shop founded in 2016 and based in Los Angeles, CA that creates "cute, quirky, handmade greeting cards and gifts."

    Promising review: "Really amazing card and packaged with a lot of love and care!" —satyrsong22

    Get it from Pen And Meow on Etsy for $4.50

    39. A card that makes it clear that love is not a competition...but if it WAS, you'd totally win.

    A white card that says "I love you more, I win"
    Amazon

    Get it from Amazon for $5.99

    40. A card for the friend who can always make you laugh (even when you're getting kicked out of a bridal shop in Flushing, Queens).

    A drawing of Fran Drescher with "Hey, Best Fran!" typed next to it
    PAPERbyBrandi on Etsy

    PAPER by Brandi is an Etsy shop founded in 2017 and based in Greensboro, North Carolina that specializes in pins, earrings, cards, ornaments, and fun pop-culture products.

    Promising review: I would buy from this seller again. Shipping was very quick." —jenny dimick

    Get it from PAPER by Brandi on Etsy for $4

    41. A card that shows the lengths you're willing to go to for love.

    A beige card with a cartoon drawing of a jellyfish, and "If you got stung by a jellyfish, I would totally pee on you" written on it in black
    Amazon

    Promising review: "Hilarious!"—Christina Ann Fera

    Get it from Amazon for $5.99

    42. An extremely serious and dignified card, for reflecting on the many elements that make a great long-term commitment.

    A cartoon drawing of a butt, next to the words "Roses are red, foxes are clever, I like your butt, let me touch it forever"
    Amazon

    Promising review: "Very thick and sturdy card and envelope. Brought lots of laughs to the Valentine birthday boy." —Jody B.

    Get it from Amazon for $7.98

    43. A cartoon dog card, because any message is better if it is communicated via cartoon dog.

    A white card with a cartoon of a pug wearing heart-shaped sunglasses, that says "I puggin' love you" in black type
    Amazon

    Promising review: "Very cute card, nice quality card stock & envelope. Would purchase again." —NicatNite

    Get it from Amazon for $5.99

    44. A card that shows that relationships are all about balance.

    A white card with a drawing of a red heart and "You make me smile, and also super horny but that's not the point" in black type
    Amazon

    Promising review: "I love buying cards for my husband that make him laugh, and this was such a good one. Perfect to give for an anniversary or when celebrating something. The envelope is so beautiful and the card is bigger than your standard greeting card." —Dannay Rodriguez

    Get it from Amazon for $5.88

    Which card will you choo-choo-choose for your Valentine?

    20th Television / Via giphy.com

    The reviews for this post have been edited for length and clarity.

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