"A Christmas Story" As Told By Someone Who’s Never Seen It

What’s up with the pink bunny costume?

1. Ralphie is a little boy that exists, and who is feeling some intense anxiety due to the Christmas season.

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2. It’s probably because his parents gifted him this ridiculous bunny costume, which would make anyone more than a little uneasy.

Metro-Goldwyn-Meyer / Via kcesliv-irot.tumblr.com

Come on, parents!

3. This is Ralphie’s cozy abode; looks like he either lives in the middle of America or in a suburb of Chicago.

Goldwyn-Metro-Meyer / Via commons.wikimedia.org

*Note: I’m pretty sure this thing is a museum now.

4. Wherever he lives, it’s cold as snowballs because Ralphie’s sidekick (or brother) is rocking a full on face scarf.

Goldwyn-Metro-Meyer / Via moots.com

5. As evident by the bunny costume, Ralphie’s parents don’t seem to understand him and his father is a hard ass.




6. This makes Ralphie slightly angry, leading him to spew out some snarky one liners to show his parents who’s boss.

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Also, he may or may not have the voice of a grown man.

7. He becomes tired of the whole sucky situation, and starts lashing out in some pretty harsh ways.

Goldwyn-Meyer-Metro / Via iamstilljrank.tumblr.com

8. Ralphie even starts picking on little kids who have absolutely nothing to do with his Christmas frustrations.

Goldwyn-Metro-Meyer / Via bestmoviesevernews.com

9. The only kid more evil than Ralphie is this guy, who’s either his worst enemy or his best friend.

Goldwyn-Metro-Meyer / Via fanpop.com

Probably best friend, though.

10. Not approving of his outlandish shenanigans, mom becomes livid and gives Ralphie the soap treatment.

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People actually used to do this, yikes.

11. Ralphie hides in the cupboard because enough is enough, and he’s sick of this shit. When will the world understand him?

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Mom tries to apologize, it ain’t happening mom. Also, that’s Ralphie right?

12. In a turn of events, Ralphie heads to the local mall in search of someone who can help him through these troubling times.

Goldwyn-Metro-Meyer / Via westmemphisthree.typepad.com

*idea spark*

13. He ascends this fake snowy mountain to sit on Santa’s lap and confess all that’s been happening.

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14. But Santa doesn’t get it. Santa is just as clueless as Ralphie’s parents, if not more.

Goldwyn-Metro-Meyer / Via sodahead.com

15. As a consolation prize for well, nothing… Santa throws Ralphie down a slide.

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16. Much to Ralphie’s surprise, this is the wake up call he needs to get his attitude together and stop being a grinch.

Goldwyn-Metro-Meyer / Via davidlavallee.wordpress.com

17. Lessons are now learned: when life gives you lemons, chill out and think about all the good things that make you smile.

Goldwyn-Metro-Meyer / Via thoughtcatalog.com

18. Also, snail mail always has and always will make people feel warm and fuzzy on the inside.

Goldwyn-Metro-Meyer / Via thoughtcatalog.com

Especially during Christmas time.

19. And dares are the most terrifying thing ever.

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Shit, now I have to.

20. Most importantly, you attract more friends with honey than you do a BB gun.

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And honey will never shatter your glasses. This is a fact.

21. And above all, even though your family may not understand you 100% of the time, they are still your family and this is still Christmas… So you know, be jolly!

Goldwyn-Metro-Meyer / Via movies.tvguide.com

And all of this because of that damn bunny costume.

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