1. On thinking out loud:
When I think out loud, it sounds nothing like Morgan Freeman.
2. On #squadgoals:
So cute. Asked my mom out to lunch and she yelled, "Squad-Goals!". I laughed pretty hard before never ever seeing her again.
3. On kitesurfing while dead:
The great thing about kite surfing is that - depending on the wind - you can continue kite surfing up to an hour after dying.
4. On parental stress:
Nothing better than spending an entire morning staring into my baby daughter's eyes, whispering, "I can't do this".
5. On morning routines:
In the morning, I like to let the dogs out and sing, "Who let the dogs out" before punching myself in the face as hard as I fucking can.
6. On taking grocery shopping to the next level:
Next time you're grocery shopping, imagine David Attenborough narrating. It really next-levels the whole thing.
7. On running for president:
If I were running for President, I'd wear a suit made of prime sirloin steak. To illustrate my hunger for power.
8. On regretting One Direction tattoos:
Do NOT make me regret this One Direction tattoo on my lower back, fellas.
Who's gonna tell him?
9. On the reality of surviving in the wild:
If I was on @BearGrylls show, I'd look heroic. But if cameras aren't rolling he'd be carrying me everywhere in his strong arms or backpack.
We feel you, Ryan.
10. On limits:
I'd walk through fire for my daughter. Well not FIRE, because it's dangerous. But a super humid room. But not too humid, because my hair.
11. On creative fan art:
Paint one mural of Zayn on the hood of your car using gold leaf and real hair, and suddenly you're "obsessed".
12. And on being honest:
My daughter's only 6 months old and already drawing. I'd hang it on the fridge but honestly, it's absolute garbage.
Long live Ryan Reynolds.
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