Have guests find the address to the party by googling "your name address." The first result should lead them to the right place. Encourage the children to dress up as their favorite young, troubled celebrity.
As kids arrive, hand out complimentary doses of Adderall. For a fun and easy upcycled craft, have the kids create visual boards of people who are demonstrating good character, like Angelina Jolie, using old tabloid magazines.
Have the kids play a relay race in an adult-sized pair of hot pink patent leather pumps. Let them roam free and check to see if the neighbor's car doors are open. The child who acquires the most cash and credit cards wins. Instead of cake, serve $6 blended iced coffee drinks. Don't tell them where the party favors are, but rather let them ransack your house until they're found.