14 Things You Need To Stop Saying To Single People Immediately

Haven’t we suffered enough?

1. He/She is just intimidated by you!

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I get it! You're trying to make me feel better. Like I'm so incredibly out of everyone's league that only a fool would think they had a chance with me, and who wants a fool, anyway? But let's get real. No one has ever been single because they were just too darn attractive.

2. Oh well, relationships are such a hassle anyway.

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Yeah, that whole “family” thing seems awful. The pizza guy is a much better boyfriend anyway. He’s always here within 30 minutes of my call or the pizza is free.

3. What’s the rush?

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My sadistically limited egg-count and the exponentially higher chance of birth defects after the age of 30. That’s the rush.

4. OMG how are you single?!

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Everyone is so in awe that someone as totally awesome as you is single because seemingly no one is interested, but no one ever entertains the fact that maybe YOU’RE not interested in the people you’ve met. Maybe it’s not that you can’t snag a catch, maybe it’s the fact that you have standards, which leads to my next point…

5. …You’re too picky.

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Excuse me for having standards. Some people have a crazy checklist that a guy or girl has to meet before they’re even considered eligible to follow on Instagram, but that’s not the case for everyone. Most people just want a mutual attraction and a natural connection, and why settle? Anyone can grab a Joe Shmoe off the street, but why not wait for something WORTH waiting for?

6. Any guy/girl would be so lucky to have you.

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Except you, right?

7. Let me set you up!

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Nothing more encouraging than even your closest friends and family not having faith that you can find someone without help.

8. He/She wasn’t good enough for you anyway.

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What a slap in the face. Although it very well may be true circumstantially, if that person didn’t see you as a catch then chances are, that person probably doesn’t think YOU’RE good enough for THEM. Just shhhhhhh. Stop.

9. He/She will come along when you stop looking.

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What a polite way of saying “Um you might wanna wait this one out, sweetie.”

Which is quite confusing when you’re constantly being told…

10. …You gotta get out there and meet people!

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Make up your damn mind! And what have I been doing for the past couple decades, anyway? NOT meeting people?

11. Now you can just focus on you.

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Um hi I’ve known me for as long as I remember so I think I got the “me” part down.

12. Ugh, I wish I was single. I’m so jealous of you.

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I’d be happy to take that handsome, loving, sweet weight of a boyfriend off your shoulders!

13. There are plenty of fish in the sea!

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Guess I’m not good enough bait? Thanks for reminding me just how large the mass of people who DON’T want to be with me is. And also how impossibly daunting it is to sift through it all. And also I hate sea food so stfu.

But the important thing to remember is…

14. You're good all by yourself.

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Amen.