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1. A heat keep long-sleeved shirt – because if you start with the right base layer, you shall not be defeated this winter.
2. An ultra-light down vest that'll make you *the coolest* warm person around town.
3. A pair of polarized sunglasses with five interchangeable lenses, so you can adjust them according to the garbage conditions outside.
4. A water-resistant, hooded, down parka worthy of battling it out against all gross weather.
5. A pair of over-the-knee socks available in whatever color you need for an extra layer of cozy warmth.
6. A pair of gloves you won't have to take off to text or check the temperature – when will the misery of low temps end?
7. A stylish red coat that just may put Little Red Riding Hood to shame.
8. A pair of rugged Timberland boots in waterproof leather worthy of an investment.
9. A pair of ear muff headphones so you'll never freeze for the sake of the tunes again.
10. A puffer jacket featuring a removable hood and fleece lining, because you deserve to be toasty but not too toasty – without the bulk.
11. A pair of thermal, windproof, and waterproof gloves for anyone in need of heavy-duty protection.
12. A pair of snow pants you'll slip into and say "whatever, snowpocalypse" when the liquid trash starts to fall.
13. A moisture-wicking balaclava King Arthur would envy, to ensure you're ready to battle against frigid AF temps.
14. A fantastical woven coat so you can get out there in the cold and frolic around like you're in a fairytale.
15. A precious lavender beanie worthy of keeping all your body heat from escaping into the cold, sad world.
16. A pack of hand warmers to prevent the terror of cold hands.
17. A four-pack of warm AF (but breathable) socks for keeping those toes as warm as your hands.
18. A v aesthetically pleasing trapper hat you can tuck your happy little ears into.
19. A hooded, water resistant, quilted, goose down filled North Face parka that'll basically be the Rocky of all coats.
20. An emergency rain poncho packed into a handy key chain, so you can become the most practical Pokémon player of all time.
21. A merino wool cable sweater with pockets for anyone who values being cozy above all things.
22. An aviator jacket made of faux leather and lined with faux fur, to give you the shine and warmth you deserve.
23. A thick knitted infinity scarf over 1,000 people love, as will you.
24. A fleece-lined pair of leggings you can layer under your pants and be ready for winter.
25. A wool-blend coat for anyone who wants to wear a blanket with a wind flap and high stand-up collar.
26. A three-pack of T-shirts designed to adapt to your body temperature, and prevent any over-heating or sweating you might experience out there in the harsh climate.
27. And a long, double-breasted overcoat so the weather will keep its cold, grimy hands away from your supreme fashion sense.
Leave this life behind.
Reviews here have been edited for length and/or clarity.