1. 99% of the time your friends know exactly why you're calling them.
2. You suffer from performance anxiety when your friends say, "We'll just follow you..."
3. This is what your nightmares are made of:
4. So is this, especially when it's on the only route home you know:
5. You instantly panic when people tell you your destination's "just around the corner."
6. You have to add at least a half hour to your trip just to get out of the mall parking lot.
7. You're BFFs with every gas station attendant within a five-mile radius.
8. If you get directions in north, south, east, or west... you're screwed.
"Huh, okay, let me think. Never Eat Soggy Waffles. The sun is over there, and it sets in the West... nope, I still have no idea where I am."