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14 Olympic Events Even You Could Medal In

You're gonna break so many records.

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1. The Netflix Series Sprint


Your ability to get though an entire season of Stranger Things, Orange Is the New Black, and House of Cards (with a few episodes of Adventure Time between them) in one single weekend is worthy of celebration.


8. Synchronized Sign Reading

Not everyone is up to the task of deciphering the importance of each sign on an astrology chart in order find their perfect soulmate based on the movement of planets and stars thousands and thousands of miles away, but you make it happen.


10. Snack Deadlifting

Instagram: @thalia

Because not everyone drinks, the IAC has elected not to hold the "most happy hour drinks before happy hour ends in 15 minutes" event at this year's games, but you've still got a shot at this one.

11. Black-Clothes-Wearing Marathon

Being a natural goth has its benefits.

12. The Make Dessert out of Whatever You've Got Around the House Competition

Twitter: @cleytu

Because the tireless effort you've put into mixing various cooking ingredients to make microwave mug brownies makes you a national treasure.