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15 Things That Will Annoy Anyone With A Scientific Brain

"It's good because it's got no chemicals in it. It's so natural."

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1. "According to my star sign..."

funnyjunk.com

You are very, very gullible.

2. "I try to avoid eating stuff with chemicals in it."

Indian Paintbrush

What exactly do you mean by chemicals? Because you do realise that literally everything has chemicals in it. Cambridge Dictionaries says a chemical is "any basic substance that is used in or produced by a reaction involving changes to atoms or molecules". That means things like air, protein, water, sugar, vitamins, literally every single thing ever.

3. "It's natural and organic so it's good for me."

FOX 2000 Pictures

Yes, just like that natural, organic puffer fish poison and that natural, organic opium.

4. "Don't eat it; it has bacteria in it."

ITV

Do you realise that you have at least the same number of bacteria cells in your body as human ones?

5. "Gluten/sugar/caffeine is really, really bad for you and you should try and completely cut it out of your life."

The CW

Everyone has a slightly different body and digestive system. Just because you get bloated when you eat white bread it doesn't mean everyone does. And obviously loads of sugar and caffeine is terrible, but in moderation all foods are fine.

6. "But when my aunt cut out gluten/started washing her face with oil/only ate kale she lost 3 stone and was miraculously cured of several serious conditions."

NBC

Good for her, but that doesn't mean it's going to work for everyone. Anecdotal evidence doesn't really fly in scientific communities.

7. "Oh great you're a scientist. Can you explain string theory to me?"

New Line Cinema

No idea – I'm a protein crystallographer! Scientists tend to be incredibly specialised. They may have a better grasp on some stuff than the average person, but most microbiologists won't know anything about theoretical physics.

8. "Neil Armstrong never walked on the moon."

Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
NBC

Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

9. "The Fantene Pro W shampoo repairs your split ends using triple science high-tech protein wizards."

MTV

Yes, this shampoo will make me look like Beyoncé because it's got ~protein~, ~DNA~, and ~vitamins~ in it. Or these are just buzz words.

10. "Antibiotics are bad for us and are destroying the Earth."

Paramount Pictures

Actually they save lives every day. Antibiotic resistance is terrible, but antibiotics themselves aren't to blame for that – it's how we use them.

11. "I'm detoxing to wash out the toxins."

LogoTV

Toxin means poison. You probably don't have much poison inside you, and if you do, drinking green tea for five days probably isn't going to help much.

12. "I have a very male brain."

Paramount Pictures

And my very female ears don't want to hear any more rubbish from it.

13. "Oh great, you're a scientist. I've been getting these weird stomach pains lately..."

ABC

Doctors of particle physics generally do not make great substitute physicians.

14. "Evolution is just a theory."

Paramount pictures

Yes, but it's a very, very good one with a lot of supporting evidence. Just like the theory that you're an idiot.

15. "Women can't do science."

DreamWorks SKG

And now you are no longer allowed to speak. Funny that.