back to top

25 Things Everyone Who Went Underage Clubbing In Britain Will Understand

All bouncers ask for your star sign as a legitimate form of secondary identification.

Posted on

1. You would choose your outfit based on what you thought would make you look as old as possible.

For girls this meant a lot of makeup and a lot of bra padding.
mommyshorts.com

For girls this meant a lot of makeup and a lot of bra padding.

2. All the boys would worry that they wouldn't get in wearing trainers, so would end up wearing their school shoes.

And all the girls would wear heels that they would probably take off several times throughout the night.
Twitter: @ypleah

And all the girls would wear heels that they would probably take off several times throughout the night.

3. You would pre-lash at whoever's parents were out that night.

Instagram: @j_e_n_n_z

And you would drink Lambrini that you bought at that corner shop that served literally anyone.

4. Or if no one's parents were away you would freeze your arse off drinking bottles of cider in the nearest park to the club.

Flickr: drinksmachine / Creative Commons

5. If you were an experienced underage clubber you might go for Glen's or Cactus Jack's.

Instagram: @beckimckinney

6. Sometimes someone's very nice mum would give you a very sobering lift to the club.

Walt Disney

She'd ask you how your A-levels were going and which universities you were thinking of applying to.

7. Or you would have a drunken journey into town on the bus.

Instagram: @danielle267

You would be very loud and take lots of pictures with your new digital camera, and everyone else on the bus would hate you.

8. The whole time you were pre-lashing and travelling there all you talked about was how you were gonna get into the club.

Polygram Filmed Entertainment

9. You planned every detail of how you would get in, including which order you would queue in.

reddit.com

The old-looking people would go first and last, and the short people who couldn't grow boobs or a beard would be sandwiched in the middle.

10. Half of you would be using an older sibling's old passport, and the other half would be using some very dodgy "novelty European identification card".

The bouncers obviously knew you were underage. Whether you got in depended entirely on if they cared or not.
Columbia Pictures

The bouncers obviously knew you were underage. Whether you got in depended entirely on if they cared or not.

11. If you couldn't get a novelty British citizenship pass or your cousin's expired passport you might resort to "photoshopping" a copy of your passport on MS Paint.

And if you were particularly good at it you'd have to do all your mates' as well.
howtogeek.com / Microsoft

And if you were particularly good at it you'd have to do all your mates' as well.

12. You would memorise your star sign because this was ~definitely~ a thing that bouncers asked to check if you were using a fake ID.

Logo TV

13. You would get to the club really early because someone told you that the bouncer doesn't get there until nine.

Film4

So there would be a good two hours where it was just you and your mates trying to act normal in an empty club.

14. You would order one drink all night because after the entry fee that's all you could afford.

If you were a legend you would strawpedo it.
Flickr: cute-is-what-i-aim-for

If you were a legend you would strawpedo it.

15. You might get some £1 shots of Apple Sourz off a lady wearing a shot belt.

Instagram: @ambercolclough

She definitely wouldn't give enough of a shit to ID you.

16. Nobody wanted to pay for the cloakroom so you'd have to dance round your bags in a circle all night.

Or you'd risk it and stuff something behind the fruit machine.
buzzfeed.com / Getty / BuzzFeed

Or you'd risk it and stuff something behind the fruit machine.

17. At some point someone would get hit on by someone who wasn't a fellow underage clubber.

It would be so ~scandalous~.
Flo Perry / BuzzFeed

It would be so ~scandalous~.

18. If they decided to go for it everyone else would stand slightly too close and take pictures.

19. You'd lie about your age to anyone you got with, which looking back was definitely a bad idea and kind of creepy.

FOX

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

20. At some point someone would have a breakdown in either the toilet or the smoking area.

E4

And it would take at least half the party to comfort them.

21. You'd all talk about how absolutely mortal you were even though you'd only had a couple of WKDs and an Apple Sourz shot.

Instagram: @jas_mnn

22. The real drama was when your friend was actually too drunk, got caught throwing up in the sink, and then got thrown out.

NBC

Which meant you'd all have to go home early.

23. You'd stay until the end to make the most of your entry fee and partly because no one wanted to be the one who suggested leaving.

Instagram: @craigporter_official

24. Eventually you'd all get into a taxi and go back to your friend's house.

Instagram: @sazgrace

If their parents were home you'd have to sneak in really quietly.

25. But you'd always make time to go to the kebab shop and order their whole menu.

Instagram: @jackallo78

Some habits die hard.