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19 Tricks Cats Use To Train Their Humans

We don't own cats, the cats own us.

1. Cats are able to train humans to do whatever the hell they want because they are so damn adorable.

2. The cuteness is an innate quality they have evolved for the sole purpose of attracting human slaves.

3. All they have to do is look at us and we go a little weak at the knees.

4. To communicate their needs further cats developed the meow. A noise simultaneously very annoying and incredibly cute.

You feel instantly drawn to their demanding whimper and will do anything to shut it the hell up.

5. The meow is most commonly used to signal hunger, or that they can see the bottom of their food bowl.

6. Cats often use their meow for their main torture technique — sleep deprivation.

7. The theory is that cats use sleep deprivation to weaken a human's resolve.

8. Cats are also big fans of corporal punishment.

9. Sometimes our cat masters attack us randomly just to remind us who's boss.


We deserve it.

10. Cats use varying techniques so their humans will pet them exactly how they like.

11. They will often present their tummy for rubs, and it is so adorable and soft we cannot resist.

12. Sometimes cats will sit on top of their humans and demand strokes.

13. Clever cats can even seek out your hands directly when they are in need of a stroke.

14. Cats do not like it when humans try to get above their station by "working".

15. To unnerve their humans cats will sometimes just stare at them.

16. When a human is being really embarrassing a cat will give them ultimate judging eyes.

17. Cats do little to reward their humans, but they do purr to signal when we are doing an OK job.

A cat purr is the most adorable sound in the world and we must be very grateful for it.

18. If a cat is in an unusually good mood they may knead you. This is an honour and you should enjoy it even though it is like being stabbed by needles.

19. Cats are talented human trainers, and with a combination of these tricks they can train us to do pretty much whatever they want.

But all the training is totally worth it when they finally give in and show you a little bit of love.

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