1. Sexy lady on the bus alert.
2. She’s got a nice undercut.
3. And what a quality plaid shirt, I wonder where she got it from.
5. OMG she’s so gay.
6. Stop stereotyping! You’re acting like a heterosexual.
7. She could just be really into alternative haircuts and masculine off-centre clothing.
8. Everyone dresses like a lesbian these days.
9. Since the mainstream adopted beanies you just don’t know who’s who any more.
10. Topshop selling camo jackets pretty much obliterated the gaydar.
11. That and Dr. Marten’s actually being cool again.
12. Check her nails – that’s the creepy way to make sure she’s gay.
13. Yeah they look like shit, she’s 100% homo.
14. And she’s just got that vibe, you know.
15. That indescribable aura that just screams LEEESSSSBIIIIIAAANNNNNN.
16. Like new Meghan in accounts, her haircut is very normal, but her shirt game is on point.
17. And every time we’re in the toilets together I feel awkward so she must be a lesbian.
18. I’ll talk to Meghan at the Christmas party when I’m wasted and get it confirmed.
19. No that’s a lie, I’ll talk to Jenny and get her to find out if Meghan is a lesbian.
20. Omg new lesbian is getting off at my stop.
21. I wonder if she works near here.
22. I thought I knew all the lesbians in the area.
23. There’s me and Jenny, the woman with a nose ring in the coffee shop, that girl in PR who doesn’t seem gay but is actually happily married to her hot girlfriend and it’s sickening, vegan Sandra who works in the archives, possibly Meghan, and then this chick.
24. I wonder if she knows I’m gay.
25. Do I have gay aura?
26. Should have worn my hair up so you could see my undercut.
27. I’m not even wearing a shirt today.
28. I just look like an ordinary heterosexual woman. ERGH.
29. I even left my bloody backpack at home.
30. I look like one of those women who goes home TO A MAN.
31. Maybe I should just suddenly start blasting Tegan and Sara out of my phone and pretend it was an accident.
32. OMG she looked at me.
33. Wait, is she wearing ballet pumps?
35. Lesbians don’t wear ballet pumps.
36. Maybe she’s just a straight girl who’s going to a fancy dress party as a lesbian.
37. Ballet pumps are the single most heterosexual item of clothing.
38. They’re not sexy, and they’re not practical.
39. Lesbians are either sexy or practical.
40. Timberlands or, like, thigh-high patent-leather dominatrix boots. No in-between.
41. She’s looking again.
42. SHE SMILED AT ME.
43. She did the clock.
44. She can feel the homosexuality pouring out of me.
45. She can smell it.
46. I’m a raw sexual queer woman and she knows it.
47. I don’t need a plaid shirt, I’m plaid on the inside.
48. Ballet pumps are cool, like, so casual and cute, very 2005, maybe that’s coming back around now.
49. I could be sooooo into ballet pumps.
50. Fuck, is that another lesbian?
51. They’re like fucking buses.
52. Shit, do they know each other?
53. Is she waving at me?
54. Are they snogging?
57. Meghan better be fucking single.