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Jul 23, 2016

21 Things You'll Know If You've Got A Flat Bum, But Not A Flat Tum

You are not Nicki Minaj and baggy jean butts are your enemy.

1. Finding jeans that fit your bum is a real and serious problem for you.

Nappy butt is the enemy.

2. You always have to choose between having jeans fit your bum and being able to sit down.

Flo Perry / BuzzFeed

You do not understand this "gap" people talk of. Your body has no gaps. It is a smooth sausage.

3. And even when you do find a pair of jeans that fit, and are comfortable, they'll be saggy butt central by the afternoon.

4. As soon as you eat lunch your little tum expands and you need to do the cheeky unbutton.

Flo Perry / BuzzFeed

5. You know that no number of squats will get you the Kim K butt.

6. Whenever you sit down in jeans the button gets swallowed into the folds.

Flo Perry / BuzzFeed

7. Your lack of cushioning means your bum bones are exposed to the world.


People always comment on your pointy bum when you sit on someone's lap.

"Ah, why is your arse like knives?!" is a classic comment.

8. And cycling can be a painful activity.

Twitter: @2wildniks

All bikes should be made like this.

9. Finding shorts that fit you is even harder than finding jeans that fit you.

UGhHH I hate wearing shorts bc they're both too tight and too baggy. Like wtf who created this clothing/cut. ๐Ÿ™„๐Ÿ‘Ž๐Ÿผ๐Ÿšซโ˜น๏ธ

You just have to choose between embracing the baggy bum and being able to sit down, or your arse looking amazing and never sitting down.

10. Bikini bottoms either give you muffin top or saggy butt.

Flickr: bamakodaker / Creative Commons

Saggy butt, why are you so evil?

11. You've definitely considered wearing something like this:

12. When you put on weight, it only ever goes to your tum.

You're pretty sure your bum will stay pancakey forever.

13. You don't understand people who put all their weight on their bum and keep a flat stomach.

14. You've really considered doing some kind of squat routine to try to get a butt.

Paramount Pictures

But then you do one squat and decide that it's definitely not worth it.

15. Your tum might even be bigger than your bum.

Sometimes you wish you could reorganise your tub a bit so your bum got more of a fair share.

16. You have perfected how to make your arse look as big as possible in every photo.

17. And you are trained to subconsciously suck in your stomach whenever you see a camera coming out.

Twitter: @xander_nico

Or whenever you pass a sneaky mirror.

18. But really everyone has a lil' tum, and just cos you also have a really lil' bum, doesn't make yours any less cute.

19. And there's nothing you can't do with your lil' tum and your lil' bum that people with big booties and flat tummies can do.

Flo Perry / BuzzFeed

Apart from get that stupid gap at the back of your jeans, what is that?

20. So maybe it's time to stop pretending you'll ever do that squat routine, and appreciate your lil' bum for just how cute it is.

21. Be proud of your sausagey seal-esque figure.

It's very aerodynamic.

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