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21 Things That Happen When You Get Drunk With Your Colleagues

There is no such thing as one drink.

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1. You stay a tiny bit late at the office and convince yourself you need a reward for all your hard work.

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You just did 15 minutes of work for free, time to reward yourself with some alcohol.

2. You work up the courage to ask if anyone would like to go to the pub.

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Praying that Craig from IT, who hit on you at the Christmas party last year doesn't say yes.

3. Or more likely you secretly Gchat your work BFF to see if they will come to the pub with you.

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And hope that Craig doesn't spot you sneaking off together.

4. Everyone says they'll just come for one drink.

"Said to Stacy I'd be home for Masterchef: The Professionals at eight."
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"Said to Stacy I'd be home for Masterchef: The Professionals at eight."

5. You'll have a discussion about which pub to go to before deciding on the same shit one you always go to.

Either because it's the cheapest, or it's the only one you know you'll get a seat at.
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Either because it's the cheapest, or it's the only one you know you'll get a seat at.

6. When you get to the bar you won't know whether to buy your colleague standing next to you a drink or not.

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The rule is if you actually like them or they definitely earn less than you, buy them a drink.

7. And if you buy the person next to you a drink, do you have to buy the colleague standing behind them a drink too?

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No, no you don't. Keep your eyes in front.

8. At first everyone will just talk about what they are doing at work at the moment.

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Even though you all work together and you all know what everyone is doing at work at the moment.

9. But sooner or later something will slip out that someone wasn't meant to know.

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"No it's fine carry on, of course I knew that Craig was getting fired, please spill more details."

10. And then once one person has accidentally told a work secret suddenly they all come pouring out.

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This is why they call it "networking".

11. You will get a second drink.

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Partly because you got pulled into a stupid round system in the beginning, and partly because things are just starting to get good here.

12. After the second pint people will start telling everyone their theories about who is hooking up with who.

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As the night goes on the line between fact and fiction will become increasingly blurry.

13. You'll start telling your colleague about your ~personal~ life.

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Someone will ask for help on their Tinder profile.

14. Someone's partner will arrive and they'll look totally different than you ever imagined.

Usually way more attractive.
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Usually way more attractive.

15. You will have a third pint.

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Because that second pint felt great!

16. After the third pint curiosity overtakes social awkwardness and everyone starts talking about money.

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"CRAIG FROM IT EARNS HOW MUCH?"

17. This is also when the bitching starts to get serious.

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Sometimes awkwardly serious, like, does that person really think Tanya is that bad at her job or did she reject him on the summer away day?

18. Before you know it it's 9:30 and you haven't had dinner yet.

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At this point you either have a forth pint and accept that you're not going to do any work the next day, or go home to a takeaway.

19. If you choose to have a fourth pint you will probably either do karaoke or throw up in front of your colleagues.

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This may seem career destroying, but is actually what networking is all about.

20. The next morning, even if you stopped at three pints, you will wake up with a tangible sense of regret.

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You will go into work 100% sure you're going to be fired.

21. But when you get into work you'll realise that everyone feels exactly the same as you do.

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And if your boss was there they will send an email at 9:31AM telling everyone they are working from home.