1. That all brochures are a bunch of lies.
2. Domino's might have given you about 1,000 vouchers in freshers' week, but by November this is all you can afford:
3. However broke you are, you always budget for alcohol.
4. But you forget to budget for mixer so end up with this:
5. However much you plan to write your essays gradually throughout the term, you'll end up writing them all at the last minute.
6. And it actually is possible to scrape a 2:1 in an essay you mainly wrote between 2am and 5am.
7. That you actually should have listened to everyone when they said you didn't need books and you could just use the library.
8. How to reach the minimum word count in an essay when you're 300 words under with 45 minutes to the hand-in time.
9. That in future you should pick all modules on the number of group projects they have in them.
10. Washing up is so much more of a big deal than you ever thought it could be.
11. Once you start watching the four-and-a-half-hour-long Come Dine With Me omnibus on a Sunday, you will not be able to stop.
You have to see if that prick Dave is going to walk away with the grand.
12. You will put more effort into some drinking games than some assignments.
13. Formative is another word for "do it half-arsed".
14. A killer "Never Have I Ever" for everyone in your flat.
15. It's never worth getting to a club before 11 for free entry.
16. How to do a semi-decent strawpedo.
17. You should always leave the club before the lights come on.
