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18 Things Every British Uni Student Actually Learns In Their First Term

Come Dine With Me is a surprisingly addictive television programme.

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1. That all brochures are a bunch of lies.

2. Domino's might have given you about 1,000 vouchers in freshers' week, but by November this is all you can afford:

3. However broke you are, you always budget for alcohol.

4. But you forget to budget for mixer so end up with this:

5. However much you plan to write your essays gradually throughout the term, you'll end up writing them all at the last minute.

6. And it actually is possible to scrape a 2:1 in an essay you mainly wrote between 2am and 5am.

OK, maybe a high 2:2.
Twitter: @Dany_Munich21

OK, maybe a high 2:2.

7. That you actually should have listened to everyone when they said you didn't need books and you could just use the library.

Still, you can sell these babies to naive freshers next year.
Twitter: @DanielBattles

Still, you can sell these babies to naive freshers next year.

8. How to reach the minimum word count in an essay when you're 300 words under with 45 minutes to the hand-in time.

NBC

9. That in future you should pick all modules on the number of group projects they have in them.

To clarify, avoid group work like the plague.
Twitter: @tbhjuststop

To clarify, avoid group work like the plague.

10. Washing up is so much more of a big deal than you ever thought it could be.

Unless you're catered – then you have all of that to look forward to.
Twitter: @emisbrill

Unless you're catered – then you have all of that to look forward to.

11. Once you start watching the four-and-a-half-hour-long Come Dine With Me omnibus on a Sunday, you will not be able to stop.

You have to see if that prick Dave is going to walk away with the grand.

12. You will put more effort into some drinking games than some assignments.

Instagram: @its_jay_pea

13. Formative is another word for "do it half-arsed".

14. A killer "Never Have I Ever" for everyone in your flat.

Instagram: @catherinelindsley

Apart from that one weird guy who never leaves his room.

15. It's never worth getting to a club before 11 for free entry.

Instagram: @travelgrlbaha

Because pre-drinks are the best bit of the night.

16. How to do a semi-decent strawpedo.

And that if anyone shouts "STTRRRRAWWWWPEEDDDOOOSSS" you should probably quietly slip away.
Twitter: @Plastik_Ibiza

And that if anyone shouts "STTRRRRAWWWWPEEDDDOOOSSS" you should probably quietly slip away.

17. You should always leave the club before the lights come on.

No light is less flattering that end-of-the-night club lighting.
Twitter: @FunnyPicsDepot

No light is less flattering that end-of-the-night club lighting.

18. And that way you avoid the queue at the chippy.

Instagram: @cheeeezus

Which is the actual best bit of the night out, and the reason you've put on half a stone since you left home.