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27 Things All Former Underage Drinking Brits Will Remember

"Glen's, the exciting vodka."

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1. You probably first got drunk on something stolen from your parents' drinks cabinet.

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It was probably an obscure liqueur that some friend they don't speak to any more gave them five years ago and they forgot about.

2. After a while you figured out that you could sneak a bit of the good stuff, top it up with water, and nobody would ever know.

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But you might have found out to your horror that ouzo goes cloudy when you add water.

And that ouzo is actually disgusting and totally not worth it.

3. You probably had a phase of going to your local underage club night.

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Your mum might let you have one alcopop before you left. But by the time you got properly into drinking these were too lame.

4. Eventually you heard a rumour about a certain off-licence that would serve nearly anyone.

And the first time you tried you thought wayyyy too much about your back story. And you definitely didn't say you were 18 because that was too obvious.
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And the first time you tried you thought wayyyy too much about your back story. And you definitely didn't say you were 18 because that was too obvious.

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5. Or if your offie was slightly more stringent then you had that one friend who would buy everyone's booze.

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They either had a weak moustache or massive tits.

6. At first you probably stuck to buying alcopops because you didn't actually like the taste of alcohol.

If you were a legend then you'd strawpedo them.
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If you were a legend then you'd strawpedo them.

7. Or if it was an occasion you might get some Lambrini.

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Peach flavour is actually the nicest.

8. After a while you worked out what the most alcohol you could get for the least amount of money was.

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It was some brand of horrific cider.

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9. It might have come in a "sharing bottle".

And you felt like this bottle looks the next day.
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And you felt like this bottle looks the next day.

10. If you were hardcore you would go for Glen's, or some even more obscure vodka brand.

"Glen's, the exciting vodka."
Flickr: brapps / creative commons

"Glen's, the exciting vodka."

11. And everyone has been tricked by the too-cheap-to-be-true Vodkat.

http://www.grocerytrader.co.uk/News/April_2007/D_vodkat.html

Turns out it's only 20% alcohol so what's the point.

12. You would drink most of your alcohol in parks at night, and most of the time it was fucking freezing.

You knew where all the holes in the fence were, and which parks had streetlights so you didn't shit yourself that you were about to get murdered.
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You knew where all the holes in the fence were, and which parks had streetlights so you didn't shit yourself that you were about to get murdered.

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13. Which meant you've probably peed behind a lot of bushes.

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Needs must.

14. In the dead of winter when it was actually dangerous to drink in a park all night you would have to find someone's house to drink in.

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You would have one friend whose parents were either very relaxed, or went away the whole time, and you would drink in their house until someone spilt red wine on the sofa and you were all banned.

15. This is probably when you first discovered drinking games.

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But not like softy American drinking games, your rules always involved dirty pints, getting naked, and revealing embarrassing secrets. It's not banter if it's not slightly traumatic.

16. Occasionally (but very rarely) you might find an actual proper house party.

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This usually occurred when someone who was either stupid or desperate for friends was left to look after the house while their parents went on a nice holiday.

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17. Someone would bring a 2-litre bottle of ready-mixed Glen's and lemonade to drink on the way.

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Because all good nights start with some journey juice.

18. If you wanted to impress someone you might bring some Apple Sourz.

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19. Or, more likely, some affordable Cactus Jack's.

20. You would probably have to stay over at the house party, because your mum thought you were having a sleepover at Tracy's house.

But you'd make sure to leave really early so you didn't get roped into tidying up. And you'd kill time having McDonald's breakfast until it was a reasonable time to go home.
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But you'd make sure to leave really early so you didn't get roped into tidying up. And you'd kill time having McDonald's breakfast until it was a reasonable time to go home.

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21. If you were lucky you'd find a local pub that serves anyone.

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It was either run by a very old landlord who has gone a bit blind and deaf and can't tell that you're obviously 16, or it was desperate for money.

The first time you went you were very nervous and made the tall girl with the big boobs buy all your drinks for you.

22. There was an awkward time where half your friends were 18 and half of them weren't.

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This was peak fake ID time, as your older friends would want to do adult things like go to pubs that didn't stink of piss, and maybe even go clubbing.

If you were lucky you'd have an older sibling whose old passport you'd use. If not you'd use a photocopy that you'd doctored to say you were older on Microsoft Paint.

23. The first time you bought alcohol legally was probably a massive anti-climax.

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But moving from Glen's to own-brand supermarket vodka was a relief.

24. And legal drinking never has the same excitement as illegal drinking had.

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It is a hell of a lot more convenient though.

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25. But there are some habits you'll never lose. Drinking in parks will always be the most fun.

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But only in that one hot week in June.

26. You should always take a beer for the road.

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Commonly known as a road beer.

27. And it's only polite to have a little drink on the train.

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Or get utterly smashed.