Your cat wakes you up early in the morning.Your cat wakes you up in the middle of the night.Your cat doesn't let you go to sleep in the first place.Your cat seems to enjoy depriving you of sleep.Your cat destroys a lot of your belongings.Your cat knocks stuff off surfaces for no apparent reason.Your cat tries to eat your food.Your cat will take food off your plate whenever you're not looking.Your cat will stick their head into your drink.Your cat will stop you from working by sitting on your keyboard.Your cat will always try to be between you and whatever you are trying to read.Your cat will sit in front of the TV during crucial plot moments.Your cat watches you pee.Your cat watches you while you're in the shower.Your cat watches you while you poo.Your cat watches you while you have sex.Your cat is kind of ruining your sex life.Your cat sometimes stares at you for a long time.You sometimes wake up in the night to find your cat staring at you.Your cat doesn't like cuddles.Your cat shies away from most physical affection.Your cat doesn't like being held.Your cat only wants to be stroked on their terms.Your cat will look like it wants to be stroked, and then bite you if you try.Your cat avoids coming near you unless for food.When your cat sits on your lap they dig their claws in slightly.Your cat shits where it's not meant to.Your cat shits on your bed.Your cat shits in your shoes.Your cat throws up on your stuff.Your cat throws up in your shoes.Your cat often attacks your guests.Your cat attacks you a lot.You have scars from your cat.Your cat has attacked you in your sleep.Your cat sometimes just goes for your ankles for no apparent reason.You have a sneaking suspicion your cat wants to kill you.Your cat is deceptively adorable, and so you can't help but love them.
How Evil Is Your Cat?
Are you sure you have a cat? Are you sure you don't have a nice dog? Your cat is the most well-behaved, respectful cat that has ever lived. Congratulations!
Your cat does all the normal evil cat things that most cats do. Your cat probably wakes you up before your alarm every day, and you can't leave anything you love too close to the edge of the surface, but your kitty loves you really. They want you to stroke them and they'll even let you spoon them from time to time. You put up with your cat's evil, because they're your best friend.
Your cat surpasses the normal evil levels that most cats have. You have obtained many injuries from your cat over the years, and lost many a favourite china ornament, but still you love them. Your cat is horrible to all your guests, and you spend a lot of time clearing up bodily functions, but somehow you still think they're adorable. Because when they are too tired to be horrible, and they fall asleep accidentally touching you, and you can hold their little hand without them waking up, there is no greater joy.